The Opener

[Spoken: Sun Kil Moon]

I got off the plane at the Tampa airport and walked outside

Into the Florida sun was shining

And I was met by a tall grungy redheaded promoter guy

And his shaved-headed friend who was

Along for the ride

In my line of work, "friend who was along for the ride"

Means "fan who wants to eavesdrop on my life"

Over the years, I've found ways of blocking out the noise

I've found ways to dodge, to askew[?], to divert, to avoid

For that ride to the hotel I pulled out a copy

Of Ring Magazine

And I started reading it with serious intensity

Boxing was a subject that my instincts told me

Neither of them knew anything about

If you appear to be immersed in something

People will leave you alone if they know nothing

About the publication you appear to be immersed in reading

"Mark, so what are you gonna do tonight

When you get into your hotel

Would you like to join us for dinner?"

"Thanks but I'm gonna try to watch the Angel Manfredy fight

On my hotel TV it's on the TNT network."

"Um, we're not actually in a hotel

It's more like a motel but hey

You seem like you're really into boxing."

"Yeah."

When we arrived at the hotel

I asked what time soundcheck was the next day

And said thank you for the ride and goodbye

And when they drove off the fan in the passenger seat

Looked upset and frustrated like he wanted to cry

I successfully watched the Manfredy fight

In a thick carpeted room that smelled like air freshener and mold

The next day at soundcheck the jaded sound guy

Was bringing a PA system into the bar

I asked, "Why doesn't this place have its own PA?"

The place definitely has a big enough stage

They could fit a four-piece band

The place had flatscreen TVs on three of the walls

And a small PA system would've fit right in

I could picture cover bands playing in there

While about fifty people hooted and hollered

And had a good time

Eating chicken wings and drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon

Or whatever it is that people in Florida

Like drinking

The guy who was along for the ride

Lingered around observing the soundcheck

While the jaded sound guy

Was pushing knobs and not having much luck

With getting a good sound, yet being

Poker-faced about it

When a thin guy who resembled a young Peter Murphy

Walked in with a guitar case, he was the opener

I greeted him warmly but he was very smug towards me

Didn't say more than a few words, if that

I don't recall much from the show except that it was awful

Like awkward sex when you're having

Trouble keeping it up

But whatever the case may be

You're just happy when it's over

And it's finally done

And I left the venue

That I believe was named after the Creedence Clearwater song

"Fortunate One" with two women

Who were happy to give me a ride to my motel

While we drove along

One of them asked me

How I liked the opener I said

"Uh, I didn't watch, to tell you the truth."

She said "That's okay, he doesn't like you."

I said "That's interesting, you mean me personally or my music

And I wonder why?"

She said "I don't know, that's just what he told me

He doesn't like you."

We closed the door behind us and the girls sat

At the edge of my motel bed

The first words out of the chattiest one's mouth were

"Can we find some porn to watch?"

"I'm not into porn, especially when it seems like none is required."

Me and two DTF rocker girls in a Tampa motel

Was good enough for me but hey there I was

With a remote control in my hand

Trying to find some porn for us to watch

As I was searching for porn

Suddenly there was a (knock) on my door

I said "Who is it" they said, "The cops."

My heart was pounding and the girls got quiet really fast

I looked through the peephole of the door

And there were four big rednecks with cap[?] hats

Standing outside

"What's wrong?" I asked

"We're just kidding," they said

"We're not the cops, those are our girlfriends in there with you."

And I said "Aw shit,"

And I let the guys in

I asked, "How'd you guys find my address?"

They said "The opener gave it to us."

I said "Oh my god, how'd he get it?"

They said, "From a friend of the promoter

He said he picked you up from the airport

And you were reading a boxing magazine

And they hung out for an hour

Drinking their beers and laughing and talking

And then they all left."