The Real Slim Shady

May I have your attention, please?
May I have your attention, please?
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here?

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door
And started whoopin' her ass worse than before
They first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture (ah!)
It's the return of the-, oh, wait, no way, you're kidding
He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?
And Dr. Dre said-, nothing you idiots
Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (haha)

Feminist women love Eminem
Chicka-chicka-chicka Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walkin' around, grabbin' his you-know-what
Flippin' the you-know-who, yeah, but he's so cute though
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But no worse, than what's goin' on in your parents bedrooms
Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips
And if I'm lucky you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course, they're gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Discovery Channel, don't they?

We ain't nothin' but mammals
Well, some of us are cannibals
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote
Women wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus and it goes...

I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys, are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys, are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records
Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too
You think I give a damn about a Grammy
Half of you critics can't even stomach me
Let alone stand me
But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?
Why, so you guys can just lie to get me here
So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears?
Shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst
And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first

Little bitch put me on blast on MTV
Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hehe!
I should download her audio on mp3
And show the whole world, how you gave Eminem VD (ahh!)
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me
So I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me, who just don't give a fuck like me
Who dress like me, walk talk and act like me
And just might be, the next best thing, but not quite me

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys, are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys, are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up

I'm like a head trip to listen to, 'cause I'm only givin' you
Things you joke about with your friends inside your livin' room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y'all
And I don't gotta be false or sugar-coat it at all
I just get on the mic and spit it
And whether you like to admit it, I just shit it
Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can
Then you wonder, how can kids eat up these albums like Valiums?

It's funny 'cause at the rate I'm goin' when I'm thirty
I'll be the only person in the nursin' home flirting
Pinchin' nurses asses while I'm jackin' off with Jergens
And I'm jerkin' but this whole bag of Viagra isn't workin'
In every single person there's a Slim Shady lurkin'
He could be workin' at Burger King, spittin' on your onion rings
Or in the parkin' lot circling, screamin' I don't give a fuck
With his windows down and his system up

So will the real Shady, please stand up?
And put one of those fingers, on each hand up
And be proud to be outta your mind and outta control
And one more time loud as you can, how does it go?

I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys, are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys, are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys, are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys, are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady, please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up

Haha, guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us
Fuck it, let's all stand up