Dress Rehearsal Rag

Got up sometime in the afternoon

And you didn't feel like much

You said to yourself, "Where are you, golden boy?

Where is your famous golden touch?"

I thought you knew where

All the elephants lie down

I thought you were the crown prince

Of all the wheels in Ivory Town

Look at your body now

Well, there's nothing much to save

And a bitter voice in the mirror says

"Hey, Prince, you need a shave"

Now if you can manage to get

Your trembling fingers to behave

Why don't you try unwrapping

A stainless steel razor blade?

That's right, it's come to this

It's come to this

And wasn't it a long way down?

And wasn't it a strange way down?

There's no hot water

And the cold is running thin

Well, what do you expect

From the kind of places you've been living in?

Don't drink from that cup

It's all caked and cracked along the rim

That's not the electric light, my friend

That is your vision that is dim

Cover up your face with soap, there

Now, you're Santa Claus

And you've got an A for anyone

Who will give you his applause

I thought you were a racing man

Ah, but you couldn't take the pace

That's a funeral in the mirror

And it's stopping at your face

That's right, it's come to this

It's come to this

And wasn't it a long way down?

And wasn't it a strange way down?

Once there was a path

And a girl with chestnut hair

And you spent the summers

Picking all the berries that grew there

There were times she was a woman

There were times she was a child

As you held her in the shadows

Where the raspberries grow wild

And you climbed the highest mountains

And you sang about the view

And everywhere you went

Love went along with you

That's a hard one to remember

It makes you clench your fist

And the veins stand out like highways

All along your wrist

And yes, it's come to this

It's come to this

And wasn't it a long way down?

Wasn't it a strange way down?

You can still find a job

Go out and talk to a friend

On the back of every magazine

There are coupons you can send

Why don't you join the Rosicrucians?

They will give you back your hope

You can find your love in diagrams

In a plain, brown envelope

But you've used up all your coupons

Except the one that seems

To be tattooed on your arm

Along with several thousand dreams

Now Santa Claus comes forward

That's a razor in his mitt

And he puts on his dark glasses

And he shows you where to hit

And then the cameras pan

The stand in stuntman's

Dress rehearsal rag