Even If It Kills Me

I've got a lotta things to do tonight
I'm so sick of making lists
Of things I'll never finish
I've lived here for the last 12 years
Since early 1995 all my shit has been in boxes
But if I had a little more time to kill
I'd settle every little stupid thing
Yeah you'd think that I would
But I'm too tired to go to sleep tonight
And I'm too weak to follow dreams tonight
For the first time in a long time I can say
That I want to try to get better and
Overcome each moment
In my own way
I wonder if I'll ever lose my mind
I tried hard for awhile
But then I kinda gave up
Winter is a killer when the sun goes down
"I'm really not as stubborn as I seem,"
Said the knuckle to the concrete
But I'm too tired to go to sleep tonight
And I'm too weak to follow dreams tonight
For the first time in a long time I can say
That I want to try to get better and
Overcome each moment
In my own way
I'm not saying that I'm giving up
I'm just trying not to think as much as I used to
Cause "never" is a lonely little messed up word
Maybe I'll get it right some day
For the first time in a long time I can say
That I want to try
I feel helpless for the most part
But I'm learning to open my eyes
And the sad truth of the matter is
I'll never get over it
But I'm gonna try
To get better and overcome each moment
In my own way
I so want to get back on track
And I'll do whatever it takes
Even if it kills me