If Only...

[Part I]

[Verse]

If only I could give more

If only I could mediate the discourse

I've been lonely ever since I was a little boy

It's only so much I could do with this voice

This shit is peak, I've seen an avalanche

Hard to leave you as you are knowing that I'll advance

Having boundaries doesn't mean that I ran

Shedding tears don't make me less of a man

Pursue a life in your honor

You never were to blame, we felt the reign in your karma

Shields and armor, your words still harm us

Feels the harness, rеgardless, it's all love

When you playing your guitar whеn you stare blank

The repetition of your name, fear in my face

Smoke cloudy up the room, stay up real late

Just wanna know that you're okay

I'm sorry I ain't call back

But sometimes I take a moment just to fall back

I take it all in

When you cried in front of me, I saw a man

I know that parenting didn't go as you planned

But we gon' be okay as long as you around

Seeing you smile means more to me now

I don't remember you kissing my mother as a child

I'm just tryna make you proud

I chose you when you made me

Smoke fill the whole room, now that I can see

I love the whole you, I love the whole me

I love the whole you, I love the whole me

I wish that I could hold you, I know you lonely

[Part II]

[Verse]

If only I could know the truth

If only I could be the perfect son to you

As I get older, get a little more sober

I hold space, but I don't seek closure

They say the beauty in the eye of the beholder

I grew up fast, I wish my childhood was slower

Was busy worrying 'bout the reapers and the sowers

I felt the weakest as the weeper and the knower

I kept my secrets in a box, I couldn't lock it

The place I buried it is where I had to blossom

All the places I've been, where I am is new

The voices fear the quietin', Leviathan en route

Like horse hair on violins, the violence pursues

Perturbed

I knew the feelings way too well but couldn't find the words

Too busy digging for a purpose, had to find me first

Meet me where I stand

If only I can love you like you think I can

I had no love for me, I found relief in open hands

If only you could hold a space for me to be

It's only right for me to let my inner child dream

I remember when he almost lost me to the sea

You'll never lose me, I'm forever yours, honorably

Forever yours