If Only...

[Part I] [Verse] If only I could give more If only I could mediate the discourse I've been lonely ever since I was a little boy It's only so much I could do with this voice This shit is peak, I've seen an avalanche Hard to leave you as you are knowing that I'll advance Having boundaries doesn't mean that I ran Shedding tears don't make me less of a man Pursue a life in your honor You never were to blame, we felt the reign in your karma Shields and armor, your words still harm us Feels the harness, rеgardless, it's all love When you playing your guitar whеn you stare blank The repetition of your name, fear in my face Smoke cloudy up the room, stay up real late Just wanna know that you're okay I'm sorry I ain't call back But sometimes I take a moment just to fall back I take it all in When you cried in front of me, I saw a man I know that parenting didn't go as you planned But we gon' be okay as long as you around Seeing you smile means more to me now I don't remember you kissing my mother as a child I'm just tryna make you proud I chose you when you made me Smoke fill the whole room, now that I can see I love the whole you, I love the whole me I love the whole you, I love the whole me I wish that I could hold you, I know you lonely [Part II] [Verse] If only I could know the truth If only I could be the perfect son to you As I get older, get a little more sober I hold space, but I don't seek closure They say the beauty in the eye of the beholder I grew up fast, I wish my childhood was slower Was busy worrying 'bout the reapers and the sowers I felt the weakest as the weeper and the knower I kept my secrets in a box, I couldn't lock it The place I buried it is where I had to blossom All the places I've been, where I am is new The voices fear the quietin', Leviathan en route Like horse hair on violins, the violence pursues Perturbed I knew the feelings way too well but couldn't find the words Too busy digging for a purpose, had to find me first Meet me where I stand If only I can love you like you think I can I had no love for me, I found relief in open hands If only you could hold a space for me to be It's only right for me to let my inner child dream I remember when he almost lost me to the sea You'll never lose me, I'm forever yours, honorably Forever yours