How to Be a Confidante

Lesson one on how to be a confidante
You put on your helmet and pray to any of the gods
You heard about on Sundays
And one of these days it'll all belong to you, amen!

The wind blows and the daffodils grow
In the borders, bushes, and bread bins, and I'm in trouble again
The charity band has lost its middle C, you see

The elderly children climbed over the playpen and onto the bowling green
It seems they have more in common with the veterans
And con men with sandwiches, sandwiches

Waves and waves of strawberry lace
My doctor won't treat animals
And the veterinarian cannibals aren't hungry, woe is me!

Back to the basics, oh, let's start again
We'll get it right this time in the end
The fire of Satan will have no reason to burn

Where did that come from?
I seem to have become a preacher of sorts
I guess I'll sort the linens into darks and lights and delicates, like me

But I'm a big, strong man, make no mistake
And I'll break into song
And when the whammy bar goes
All of my friends might sing along

If I'm lucky, I'll never have another friend like you
If I'm lucky, I'll never have another friend like you
If I'm lucky, I'll never have another friend like you
If I'm lucky, I'll never have another friend like you

Lesson two on how to be a confidante
You tie your shoes in an equilateral nonagon
And ponder on the meaning of truth, truth!

Lies, lies, lies spouted the butterfly
That was actually a moth that I dipped in yellow dye
And I hung out on the washing line
To dry with the dish cloths and dirty jokes
I'll tell you later

Complex music and abstract art and obvious opinions
Hold no place within the courts of heaven, no, no!
Yes, yes, oui, oui, uh-uh, whatever, and all of the above
I only wanted to touch the face of my maker, oh my maker!

Good little human, bad little rat
Unanimous decision or something like that
Either way, they'd better stay inside forever, lock 'em up!

Well, that constellation looks like it's taking the mick (the mick)
Out of me
Orion's belt has never felt so hostile, I'm sore
But I'm an open door to everything your obligation ends with
I want to be best friends with you, only you!

If I'm lucky, I'll never have another friend like you
If I'm lucky, I'll never have another friend like you
If I'm lucky, I'll never have another friend like you
If I'm lucky, I'll never have another friend like you