Artwork of Youth

Alisha Pitson was the first girl I ever fancied

Jamie Morrison was the first boy I ever fancied

Michael Warren was the first boy I punched in the face

Amy Page was the first girl to save me after I smashed my head open

Craig Thomas was the first boy I saw bosh a load of drugs

Alex Driscoll was the one with the breasts bigger than her head

Scott Thyer was the first kid I saw bully a teacher

Let me shave her pussy, what a darling

Lee Maunder was banned from playing in the cup final

Holy Evans could touch her tongue with her nostrils

Alex Wilkins made me realise you don't have to be smart to pull girls

It's more useful to be big

Mrs. Hanford was the first teacher to give me two hundred lines

I still love her, what a woman

Deri Wilson is my skinny brother with a massive cock

(He could mix a mull in his) Concaved chest

Tells his mother to fuck off

Was the first girl to get fingered in my science lesson

Now that's biology for you

(Hayley Davies was the second)

Will Riley was the first boy to smoke a spiff before class

Will Riley was also the first person to get a blowjob before class

Nicky Pro was the first person smart enough to block the hydra slide

Danielle French was the first girl to make so hard I learned how to swim

Robert Smith made sure I never got a look in

Will Atkinson was the first boy to lose his virginity

Mary Richards was the first girl who gave me pains in my chest

Fat Terry fell over when we kicked the ball at him

Kyle Clutterbuck went to jail first

Linzi Crooker was the first person that didn't invite me to her party

Lisa Carmichael was the first girl I asked out

Hussain Latif was the first person to make me laugh my head off

I was the first to get out

Thank fuck for that