Customs

[Skit: Wiley, Customs Agent, and Customs Agent's Superior]

Hello sir, can I check your bag please?

Yeah yeah yeah, go on, go on, go on, go on

Can I ask where you're going?

I'm going to Barbados just to see the island for a couple days

Ohhh, you like to travel?

Yeah, you know I like a bit of sightseein' and stuff

Just wanna go and see Barbados really

Alright, hold on a minute

Yo, you check the boy there?

I'm doing it now Wellan

Ey boy, you got drugs haulin' off

What d'you mean officer? I don't carry nothin' nowhere

Hold on Wellan, let me check the (?)

Ey boy, stand up there (?)

Can I see your passport please, sir?

Yeah, let me just get it out the bag wait a sec, sec

Here, here

Yo this boy (?)

Ey boy, we gotta take a urine test now

Um, 'ello mate, what it is is

We do these checks because uh, there's a lot uh, you know

There's a lot of drugs going back and forth and that

So uh, step this way

And we're gonna uh, take a sample of your urine

Alright alright mate, so you're a police officer from England then

And you just work up there?

Yeah yeah yeah, what it is is we help out with immigration

As you know, there's a lot of people doing this sort of thing

So we have to make sure that it's all sorted

Yeah I know what you mean

You know, like make sure no one ain't slippin' through

With anything that they shouldn't be, you know how it is

Anyway son, I'm sure you, I'm sure you

Yeah yeah yeah, I know I know I know I know

Sure you know

Okay then, so would you like to take um

A sample of your urine into this tube

And then uh, when you finish, the sink's there

Wash your hands, and um, yeah

Give us back the tube

Okay okay okay, cool

Here you go, officer, there's the tube

Okay son would you like to take a seat in there?

Yeah

And um, give us like a minute or two (Okay, okay)

And I'll get back with the results

And then um, hopefully we can get you on this flight

And you'll go to Barbados and uh, everything will be sorted

You know(Yeah, exactly)A little bit of sightseein'

Wouldn't ya?

Defo man, that was the main aim, you know what I mean?

I come to Jamaica but I just wanted to pop over to Barbados

But yeah, alright, sort that out for me cool

Okay mate, um, what's happened is

You are 69.7 percent THC level

So um, yeah, you you

Do you smoke weed, at all?

Yeah I smoke weed officer, to be honest with you

I do smoke weed, I'm not gonna lie, you know what I mean?

I'll have a puff here and there

Okay cause what it is, is, um, usually what they wanna do

Is run you up the hospital, you know uh, go to the

Kingston, the uh, the hospital and uh

What they'll do is an x-ray, because uh, they

Think that you've swallowed some class A

Nah man, I ain't done that

Officer I told ya, I smoke weed bro, and that is what I do

I'm not, uh

Right now, I just wanna go over to Barbados and do a bit

Of sightseein' you get me?

See if I might see Rihanna, if it's possible

Hahahahaha, I hear ya son but let me have a talk

With my pal in there, because as I said anyway

We'll have a talk, and if he gives it the go ahead

We'll let you go this time, but just to let you know

If you do smoke weed, when you know you're gonna fly

Don't really smoke, because then, obviously

If they see ya, or if they look in your eyes and it looks

A bit red, they're obviously gonna do one of these checks

And one of these checks could obviously mean you go up

The hospital, and they do the x-ray, and obviously

That'll waste your time a bit, but, hold on a sec man

Let me sort this

Okay okay, cool cool cool

Okay Richard, you're free to go

As I said next time, don't, um

Get, erm, stay away from the weed

When you're about to fly cause obviously

You don't want to get caught up in one of these checks

Okay son? See you later, have a nice flight

Have a nice time in Barbados, and if you see Rihanna

Tell her I said hi (Hahahaha) Wouldn't ya?

I will mate, I will, thanks, see ya later

Fucking prick