[Spoken Word: Announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen, Ariana Grande
[Ariana Grande]
Thank you, thank you, thank you very much
It is so good to be here tonight hosting the Christmas episode of "SNL." Last time I hosted was a year ago, and so many people have been asking me if I'll revisit any of my sketches from last time, like, you know, Domingo
But I told them, I don't think so. When something is perfect, it doesn't need a sequel. What? That's why I just finished filming "Meet the Parents 4."
December is my favorite time of year in New York. I love the decorations. I love the snow on the ground. I love shopping for all of my loved ones, but I have to admit, I get a little stressed shopping for certain other people in my life. You know what I mean? Maybe you can relate
Oh, thank you
[Sung: Intro]
I don't know what to get for Christmas
For my cousin's boyfriend, Steve
I don't know a thing about him
Only see him on Christmas Eve
My cousin says that he's her rock
But I've never heard him talk
Is a gift card rude?
What do I get for Christmas for this dude?
[Verse 1]
Haven't shopped a lot for Christmas
'Cause my schedule's never free (And I)
Had so much press for "Wicked"
Jon Chu will not let me be
[Chorus]
I panicked and ordered a Yeti mug
The Christmas equivalent of a shrug
I'm in a tough spot
What do I get for Christmas for Scott?
[Spoken Word: Ariana]
Oh, Steve. Steve. I'm sorry. Steve
But I'm serious, all I want for Christmas is to know what to get for the people that I don't know that well. All suggestions are welcome
[Bowen Yang]
I can help you, Ari
[Ariana]
Bowen, hi
Can I just say how much I loved your line in "Wicked"?
[Bowen]
Thank you
[Ariana]
You're welcome
[Bowen]
No, no, that was my line in the movie. "Thank you."
[Ariana]
Well, that was really good
[Sung, Verse 2: Bowen, Ariana, Sarah Sherman, Kenan Thompson]
What about a back massage coupon?
That would probably freak him out
How 'bout a Cameo from Matthew Morrison?
That would really freak him out
Maybe he's a footwear baddie
These are clearly women's Crocs
Overnight a box of raw oysters
Send him into anaphylactic shock
[Verse 3: Chloe Fineman, Ariana, Veronika Slowikowska]
A brand new suit from Big and Tall
My cousin's boyfriend's short and small
A bottle of Kirkland shampoo
What do I get for Christmas for this dude?
[Bridge: Bowen, Ariana]
Every Christmas, all these people on my list
I have to get something for all my therapists
And my fave barista and my secret sister
I also have to get about twenty five gifts
For all the gay guys who do my hair
[Chorus: Bowen, Sarah, Kenan, Chloe, Veronika, Marcello Hernández, Ashley Padilla & James Austin Johnson, Ariana]
Is it wrong to just buy socks?
Oh, he is really into feet TikToks
Steve, I barely know you
[Spoken Word: Marcello]
Ariana. Ariana, wait, wait, wait
[Ariana]
Marcello, what is it?
[Marcello]
I'll tell you
[ Whispering ]
[Ariana]
Oh, yes. You are taller than I thought
[Marcello]
Something else. Something else
[Ariana]
Okay
My cousin broke up with Steve? So he won't be at Christmas?
[Marcello]
No
[Ariana]
Wow. Well, in that case
[Sung: All, Ariana]
I'll be getting nothing
For you
[Spoken: Ariana]
We've got a great show for you tonight
Cher is here. So stick around. We'll be right back
