Ariana Grande SNL Monologue (2025)

[Spoken Word: Announcer]

Ladies and gentlemen, Ariana Grande

[Ariana Grande]

Thank you, thank you, thank you very much

It is so good to be here tonight hosting the Christmas episode of "SNL." Last time I hosted was a year ago, and so many people have been asking me if I'll revisit any of my sketches from last time, like, you know, Domingo

But I told them, I don't think so. When something is perfect, it doesn't need a sequel. What? That's why I just finished filming "Meet the Parents 4."

December is my favorite time of year in New York. I love the decorations. I love the snow on the ground. I love shopping for all of my loved ones, but I have to admit, I get a little stressed shopping for certain other people in my life. You know what I mean? Maybe you can relate

Oh, thank you

[Sung: Intro]

I don't know what to get for Christmas

For my cousin's boyfriend, Steve

I don't know a thing about him

Only see him on Christmas Eve

My cousin says that he's her rock

But I've never heard him talk

Is a gift card rude?

What do I get for Christmas for this dude?

[Verse 1]

Haven't shopped a lot for Christmas

'Cause my schedule's never free (And I)

Had so much press for "Wicked"

Jon Chu will not let me be

[Chorus]

I panicked and ordered a Yeti mug

The Christmas equivalent of a shrug

I'm in a tough spot

What do I get for Christmas for Scott?

[Spoken Word: Ariana]

Oh, Steve. Steve. I'm sorry. Steve

But I'm serious, all I want for Christmas is to know what to get for the people that I don't know that well. All suggestions are welcome

[Bowen Yang]

I can help you, Ari

[Ariana]

Bowen, hi

Can I just say how much I loved your line in "Wicked"?

[Bowen]

Thank you

[Ariana]

You're welcome

[Bowen]

No, no, that was my line in the movie. "Thank you."

[Ariana]

Well, that was really good

[Sung, Verse 2: Bowen, Ariana, Sarah Sherman, Kenan Thompson]

What about a back massage coupon?

That would probably freak him out

How 'bout a Cameo from Matthew Morrison?

That would really freak him out

Maybe he's a footwear baddie

These are clearly women's Crocs

Overnight a box of raw oysters

Send him into anaphylactic shock

[Verse 3: Chloe Fineman, Ariana, Veronika Slowikowska]

A brand new suit from Big and Tall

My cousin's boyfriend's short and small

A bottle of Kirkland shampoo

What do I get for Christmas for this dude?

[Bridge: Bowen, Ariana]

Every Christmas, all these people on my list

I have to get something for all my therapists

And my fave barista and my secret sister

I also have to get about twenty five gifts

For all the gay guys who do my hair

[Chorus: Bowen, Sarah, Kenan, Chloe, Veronika, Marcello Hernández, Ashley Padilla & James Austin Johnson, Ariana]

Is it wrong to just buy socks?

Oh, he is really into feet TikToks

Steve, I barely know you

[Spoken Word: Marcello]

Ariana. Ariana, wait, wait, wait

[Ariana]

Marcello, what is it?

[Marcello]

I'll tell you

[ Whispering ]

[Ariana]

Oh, yes. You are taller than I thought

[Marcello]

Something else. Something else

[Ariana]

Okay

My cousin broke up with Steve? So he won't be at Christmas?

[Marcello]

No

[Ariana]

Wow. Well, in that case

[Sung: All, Ariana]

I'll be getting nothing

For you

[Spoken: Ariana]

We've got a great show for you tonight

Cher is here. So stick around. We'll be right back