Damnation's Cellar

[Verse 1] Did anybody notice, over marmalade and eggs In between the Princess' legs What with wars and floods and beggars Not to mention stocks and shares Well if you have a moment to spare Can you write and reassure me that I have seen That they're constructing a time machine There will be no need for the obituary pages We can have any hero from the bygone ages Till the truth emerges, an argument rages [Chorus] The major and the minor Turn from tallow into tar Should we leave them in their place Down in damnation's cellar? [Verse 2] When any form of deity that you might enjoy Can be conjured with a test-tube and a flame If it's out there then science can explain it Or at least remove the blame And if there's anyone you'd like to see again Then speak up quickly Send us back da Vinci so we don't have to ponder The maddening smile of "La Gioconda" The critics say Nijinsky, the dancer, of course While the punters would probably prefer the horse You'll find it's quicker than history, cheaper than divorce [Chorus] The major and the minor Turn from tallow into tar Should we leave them in their place Down in damnation's cellar? [Verse 3] Bring back Liberace or Ollie and Stan Shakespeare will have to wait his turn Elvis Presley and Puccini shall return I suppose we live and learn Though it's hard to believe as we cheerfully burn It's curious Some will call for justice There are murders to solve What about Hitler? Or at least Lee Harvey Oswald Give us this day and everything we squander Anyone beautiful Somebody blonder They'll never please mankind, so lie back and enjoy it Stop press: they've just decided to destroy it [Chorus] The major and the minor Turn from tallow into tar Should we leave them in their place Down in damnation's cellar?