Damnation's Cellar

[Verse 1]

Did anybody notice, over marmalade and eggs

In between the Princess' legs

What with wars and floods and beggars

Not to mention stocks and shares

Well if you have a moment to spare

Can you write and reassure me that I have seen

That they're constructing a time machine

There will be no need for the obituary pages

We can have any hero from the bygone ages

Till the truth emerges, an argument rages

[Chorus]

The major and the minor

Turn from tallow into tar

Should we leave them in their place

Down in damnation's cellar?

[Verse 2]

When any form of deity that you might enjoy

Can be conjured with a test-tube and a flame

If it's out there then science can explain it

Or at least remove the blame

And if there's anyone you'd like to see again

Then speak up quickly

Send us back da Vinci so we don't have to ponder

The maddening smile of "La Gioconda"

The critics say Nijinsky, the dancer, of course

While the punters would probably prefer the horse

You'll find it's quicker than history, cheaper than divorce

[Chorus]

The major and the minor

Turn from tallow into tar

Should we leave them in their place

Down in damnation's cellar?

[Verse 3]

Bring back Liberace or Ollie and Stan

Shakespeare will have to wait his turn

Elvis Presley and Puccini shall return

I suppose we live and learn

Though it's hard to believe as we cheerfully burn

It's curious

Some will call for justice

There are murders to solve

What about Hitler? Or at least Lee Harvey Oswald

Give us this day and everything we squander

Anyone beautiful

Somebody blonder

They'll never please mankind, so lie back and enjoy it

Stop press: they've just decided to destroy it

[Chorus]

The major and the minor

Turn from tallow into tar

Should we leave them in their place

Down in damnation's cellar?