[Verse 1]
I was sitting in a diner with a girl named Flo
She wouldn't say yes, she couldn't say no
She said, "Darling, can I get a middle man?"
She was engaged to a fellow on the layaway plan
Carried all her money in a coffee can
She said, "Darling, can I get a middle man?"
[Bridge]
The cook looked over with a short order face
Dropped a fork and he saw Flo's legs
Straightened his apron and burnt my eggs
I got competition everywhere I go these days
[Verse 2]
Leaning on the jukebox, lookin' real good
Like Natalie Wood on a Pontiac hood
I said, "Darling, I think I need a little hand
You see, I've seen my downs, I've seen my ups
I seen miniature dogs in coffee cups
But darling, I ain't never seen a middle man"
[Bridge]
Flo talked slow like real wet paint
Said, "A middle man's there when the other ones ain't"
He's got a left-handed manner that leans to the right
Sleeps all day and keeps it up all night"
[Verse 3]
I got an aunt in Ohio, a boat that won't row
Some veterans insurance and nowhere to go
Darling, can I be your middle man?
[Bridge]
If I could get the money in that coffee can
I could open me up a lemonade stand
Send all the kids off to Pakistan
Make Flo happy, if I can
[Verse 4]
Jerry Mahoney and Johnny B. Goode
Gonna buy me a house in Hollywood
Darling, I think I got the perfect plan
We'll save half a dollars and sell 'em to France
Buy us a record and learn how to dance
And darling, I'll always be your middle
Darling, go buy a griddle
Darling, I wanna be your middle man
Lyrics provided by LRCLIB