Middle Man

[Verse 1]

I was sitting in a diner with a girl named Flo

She wouldn't say yes, she couldn't say no

She said, "Darling, can I get a middle man?"

She was engaged to a fellow on the layaway plan

Carried all her money in a coffee can

She said, "Darling, can I get a middle man?"

[Bridge]

The cook looked over with a short order face

Dropped a fork and he saw Flo's legs

Straightened his apron and burnt my eggs

I got competition everywhere I go these days

[Verse 2]

Leaning on the jukebox, lookin' real good

Like Natalie Wood on a Pontiac hood

I said, "Darling, I think I need a little hand

You see, I've seen my downs, I've seen my ups

I seen miniature dogs in coffee cups

But darling, I ain't never seen a middle man"

[Bridge]

Flo talked slow like real wet paint

Said, "A middle man's there when the other ones ain't"

He's got a left-handed manner that leans to the right

Sleeps all day and keeps it up all night"

[Verse 3]

I got an aunt in Ohio, a boat that won't row

Some veterans insurance and nowhere to go

Darling, can I be your middle man?

[Bridge]

If I could get the money in that coffee can

I could open me up a lemonade stand

Send all the kids off to Pakistan

Make Flo happy, if I can

[Verse 4]

Jerry Mahoney and Johnny B. Goode

Gonna buy me a house in Hollywood

Darling, I think I got the perfect plan

We'll save half a dollars and sell 'em to France

Buy us a record and learn how to dance

And darling, I'll always be your middle

Darling, go buy a griddle

Darling, I wanna be your middle man