Weak Handshake

You know you're actually kinda cute With your halo and your Morrissey t-shirt Scratching round the chicken feathers and dirt Everybody has to make a living You know you're actually kinda cute Like a child getting to grips with the big words I've got a new one that you might not have heard You are a fucking charlatan (not the band) In the absence of a day of judgement Well I will state this for the record now You are a dick in worms clothing You are a weak fucking handshake You can dress up like a pig in lipstick You can fool the fans but deep down you know You are a dick in worms clothing You also have a weak handshake Shed your skin like a snake Slip it off like a stripper's Velcro hot pants Like yesterday's allies and sycophants Like an inconvenient opinion Leave that skin by the roadside A pound-shop Ozymandias statue A memorial jumped-up dandruff tribute It's actually kind of cute In the absence of a day of judgement Well I will state this for the record now You are a dick in worms clothing You also have a weak handshake You can dress up like a pig in lipstick You can fool the fans but deep down you know You are a dick in worms clothing You are a weak fucking handshake Cause here's the thing: there are certain kinds of things That just can't be helped, It's just the way you were whelped And It isn't really fair to judge a man by his stupid fucking hair To call him out for his beady eyes and his beer gut No matter how much they might make you wanna throw up But then you come to the matters of moral agency The decisions that make you the man that you're meant to be The battlements from which you will not be budged The choices by which you consent to be judged You made your bed so now you can lie in it You conceit is a prison and one day you'll die in it And I only hope I live to see a day when I won't notice your passing In the absence of a day of judgement Well I will state this for the record now You are a dick in worms clothing You also have a weak handshake You can dress up like a pig in lipstick You can fool the fans but deep down you know You are a dick in worms clothing You are a weak fucking handshake Exhibit A: your fucking legacy Exhibit B: You're fucking everything Exhibit C: You're fucking nothing The prosecution rests