Weak Handshake

You know you're actually kinda cute

With your halo and your Morrissey t-shirt

Scratching round the chicken feathers and dirt

Everybody has to make a living

You know you're actually kinda cute

Like a child getting to grips with the big words

I've got a new one that you might not have heard

You are a fucking charlatan (not the band)

In the absence of a day of judgement

Well I will state this for the record now

You are a dick in worms clothing

You are a weak fucking handshake

You can dress up like a pig in lipstick

You can fool the fans but deep down you know

You are a dick in worms clothing

You also have a weak handshake

Shed your skin like a snake

Slip it off like a stripper's Velcro hot pants

Like yesterday's allies and sycophants

Like an inconvenient opinion

Leave that skin by the roadside

A pound-shop Ozymandias statue

A memorial jumped-up dandruff tribute

It's actually kind of cute

In the absence of a day of judgement

Well I will state this for the record now

You are a dick in worms clothing

You also have a weak handshake

You can dress up like a pig in lipstick

You can fool the fans but deep down you know

You are a dick in worms clothing

You are a weak fucking handshake

Cause here's the thing: there are certain kinds of things

That just can't be helped, It's just the way you were whelped

And It isn't really fair to judge a man by his stupid fucking hair

To call him out for his beady eyes and his beer gut

No matter how much they might make you wanna throw up

But then you come to the matters of moral agency

The decisions that make you the man that you're meant to be

The battlements from which you will not be budged

The choices by which you consent to be judged

You made your bed so now you can lie in it

You conceit is a prison and one day you'll die in it

And I only hope I live to see a day when I won't notice your passing

In the absence of a day of judgement

Well I will state this for the record now

You are a dick in worms clothing

You also have a weak handshake

You can dress up like a pig in lipstick

You can fool the fans but deep down you know

You are a dick in worms clothing

You are a weak fucking handshake

Exhibit A: your fucking legacy

Exhibit B: You're fucking everything

Exhibit C: You're fucking nothing

The prosecution rests