Fat

My new driver's license photo Makes me look like Quasimodo And all my clothes are styled for me By Minnesota Fats The diet drink I live on Soon may take the place of Decon Heard it killed 8-million Laboratory rats Every night I dream of Ding Dongs That are big enough for King Kong And someday I may just be that big myself Stepped on the scales, put in a dime Card came out, said "One at a time" I tell ya friends, I really need some help 'Cause I'm fat I feel so fat The bottoms of my feet Are the only parts of me that's flat In a society where thin is in And lean is where it's at Fat Oh, hoo, hoo ooh... why do I have to be so fat? You're so fat Started workouts with Jane Fonda When I couldn't get in my Honda I's determined I'd turn all my flab to lean I would hear of some new diet And I'd run right out and try it Didn't eat a thing for weeks that wasn't green Every week down at the fat club I would proudly stand up Tell my weight loss, and give my testimony Lost 50 pounds, I's feeling great Just had one drink to celebrate And went right out and ate A French-fried Shetland pony Somebody put a bumper sticker on my car Said honk if you've got groceries I's just standing on a corner And a cop came over, and asked me to break it up Evel Knievel called Wants to jump me Earl Scheib wouldn't paint me For eighty-nine ninety-five Goodyear called Wants me to join the fleet Cover the next Superbowl All the chairs in my house got seatbelts