The Quarantine Song

[Verse 1] I wash my hands, I don't touch my face Stay at home, shelter in place Keep my social distance, don't go to work I wear a mask and gloves and I, I stay away from church I avoid old folks and should I sneeze I do it in my elbow or up my sleeve Stay six feet apart, that is my rule And I pray for the day the kids go back to school [Chorus] I'm washing my hands like a raccoon with OCD I've watched Hulu, Roku, Netflix, PBS and BBC I've taken down all my mirrors 'cause I'm sick of what I see Two more weeks of quarantine will be the death of me (The death of me) [Verse 2] I risk a trip to the grocery store Just to buy T.P. and a few things more But when I get there, all I can find Is sixteen honey buns and some Mad Dog wine [Chorus] I'm washing my hands like a raccoon with OCD I've watched Hulu, Roku, Netflix, PBS and BBC I've taken down all my mirrors 'cause I'm sick of what I see Yeah, two more weeks of this quarantine's gonna be the death of me (The death of me) [Outro] You know, they say this is war But we don't have to storm Omaha Beach or Pork Chop Hill We just lay here on the sofa and watch TV I'd rather volunteer for a high-risk Commando raid to parachute into Wuhan And find that fellow that ordered that bat soup, yeah I know I'm talking out of my head, saying crazy stuff over and over Like "Yes, dear, yes, dear" The other morning at breakfast I meant to say "Honey, would you please pass the pepper?" But what slipped out was "You crazy woman, you've ruined my life!" Of course I immediately apologized, just as soon as I woke up