History of Philosophy Rap

School of Ruck, yeah! (Asians) (Asians) (Asians) (Asians) (Asians) (Asians) (Asians) Were the first to philosophize Unorganized confused shit Like Confucious or the fat giggling Buddhist Who said life is suffering and through the centuries Suffering is all Asians did, but in Greece Intellectual chimpanzees were putting things in order Thales put his banana down and said everything is water Which is dumb but to tie it all together is what he tried It's not watered its fire said the nigga Heraclitus And that's the kind of shit That occupied the Athen nation Tying everything together Its called integration Pythagoras said everything is numbers in a theorem But there's more to life than numbers so no one wanted to hear 'em Zeno said there's no such thing as change (He got Rekt) But we know he invented the debate or dialectic When there was democracy there was Democritus He was wrong about some shit But they still they called him dad of science Does the end justify the means Thrasymachus said yeah But tell that to someone dying for some else's idea And that's the fate of Socrates Convicted for corrupting little boys And for democracy, he drank fucking poison The Boys in Socrate's class were mostly fake and gay though But the first to build a system of philosophy was Plato He said this world isn't real But there's a world of forms Where everything is perfect He was fucking wrong But they thought he was right So his work was taught and saved Ironically which led the west back into a cave But he paved the way for his student With the system model Just the realest nigga ever to exist Aristotle He wanted explanation for the shit Plato told him And he wrote it all down pwn'd Plato like a clown All the bullshit Plato said Stotle asked how His metaphysics still hurts Plato's ass now Aristotle wasn't perfect but he gave us laws of logic Which gave us shit like Playstation 1 and Apple Watches All the cool shit you got thank Aristotle's mother Which is more than anybody did back when the words were uttered Nobody gave a fuck Yeah, fuck what he was saying They was busy eating gyros Wrestling naked being gay Like Epicurus told 'em Avoid all pain The Stoics were like Nah to much pleasure is vain They said be serious focus on what you're doing But they also pushed away the happiness worth pursuing And the skeptics Ancient neck beard MGTOW'S They said you can't know shit Wrong then, gay now As time passed Plato's influence increased Philo brought him to the jews Enter Christianity Augustine cemented Plato to the west in written pages Placing faith over reason bringing in the dark ages And poor Aristotle, dismissed in his day No one gave a fuck about his jam and it was cast away And his fuckin name forgotten by a world that shit on him Until he was discovered by, a Muslim? Al-Ma'mun translated him from Greek And began a golden era when religion let you think But reason was rejected by this guy Al-Ghazali Which is probably why today Islam is not to fucking jolly He decided tryna mix faith and reason was retarded So he threw the precious work of Aristotle in the garbage The enlightenment of the Arabs was over and departed But in Europe Tom Aquinas was like I'm just getting started He learned of Aristotle from this Jewish guy Maimonides And he got it from a Mooslam Averroes If ever these three religions found common ground It's in placing reason over faith living hear and now The sound of reason cut the silence of the Middle Ages As pages filled with logic scrutinizing God himself And the changes made some clergy nervous but it was too late Because the dumbest shit they ever did was the let the artist paint Human beauty was depicted, love and sex celebrated Life on Earth is the standard heaven could wait and shit And though Christ was the one being painted Religion didn't know it was being de-fanged and sh- That was the Renaissance then came the Enlightenment The other Greek philosophers were studied with excitement Now the truth could be discovered by no other means than reason But then shit got more divided than the South and North Koreans A group of new philosophers one of whom was Locke Said you can't trust your mind but your senses and your cock Know reality so don't thank too much you little bitch The philosophers who said this are called empiricists On the other side of this dichotomy of mind and body Descartes and all his niggas said your senses could be naughty You could only trust your mind to know what is and isn't This school of philosophy is rationalism That's when philosophy became a shit storm Scientists no longer thought philosophy was for 'em It didn't help philosophy to spare itself the damage When Rousseau was talking bout how true nobility is savage Philosophers of body vs philosophers of mind All misguided but the truth is that the truth they tried to find See they all respected reason they each wanted to have it But then Kant said reason? Reason is a faggot He modernized Plato's world of forms from before Causing reason and reality its'self to go to war He tried to fix the mind and body split but only made it bigger Cuz reality requires you to reason my nigga Now that reality and reason were divorced Everone had to pick one at fuck whatever cost Trying to understand the world became a fucking headache Hegel said reality and logic are synthetic Marx pushed reason even farther away In fact, he said reality depends on how close you're to a factory If philosophy ended the Age of Darkness It was now layin the blueprints for retarded shit Nietzsche loved power and strength But it's not reaching or a strength saying he inspired Nazis Superman's something that Nietzsche gave us But too bad he saw people as masters and slaves Who were free now in America land of Thomas Payne Who brought over the Enlightenment from Europe he explained The right of man is to be free because thats his fucking nature When the Germans came no one saw the fucking danger Royce and his boys turned to Hegel for the basics Dewey said your mind doesn't learn shit it creates it Students went to Germany brought shit back and spread it Which is why today's smartest post retarded shit on Reddit No reason to reason now that nothing could be known Pragmatism said take action and follow your emotions Kids trained to have coherence of a mental patient This was the birth of progressive education Integration no longer required Postmodernism said that your mind could retire Religion made a comeback tribalism, too Cuz without reason there's just feelings and the group Without philosophy scientists, can't resist oriental mystics Claiming their shit is legit Recycled anti-rationals repeating the same motions Alleged men of science invoking their emotions John Rawls said we all should be the same Social Justice is morality Philosophy became a game of bullshit and semantics that no one understands And nobody gives a fuck about Ezcept for Ayn Rand The last of the Enlightenment she tied mind and body and reality to reason Which is great except nobody intellectual would give a fuck Professors wouldn't budge They must have their reasons but history will judge