Adelaide's Lament

[ADELAIDE, spoken]

Ah, achoo!

Oh

It says here:

[ADELAIDE]

"The average unmarried female

Basically insecure

Due to some long frustration, may react"

React?

"With psychosomatic symptoms

Difficult to endure

Affecting the upper respiratory tract"

Achoo!

In other words, just from waiting around

For that plain little band of gold

A person can develop a cold

You can spray her wherever you figure

The streptococci lurk

You can give her a shot for whatever's she's got

But it just won't work

If she's tired of getting the fish-eye

From the hotel clerk

A person can develop a cold

[ADELAIDE, spoken]

Oh, that's so crazy

Let's see, chapter twelve

[ADELAIDE]

"The female remaining single"

[ADELAIDE, spoken]

Oh

[ADELAIDE]

"Just in the legal sense"

[ADELAIDE, spoken]

Ah

[ADELAIDE]

"Shows a neurotic tendency

See note"

[ADELAIDE, spoken]

Where's note?

Uh

[ADELAIDE]

"Chronic, organic syndromes

Toxic or hypertense

Involving the eye, the ear, and the nose and throat"

[ADELAIDE, spoken]

Oh, that's very interesting

[ADELAIDE]

In other words, just from worrying whether

The wedding is on or off

A person can develop a cough

You can feed her all day with the vitamin A

And the Bromo Fizz

But the medicine never gets anywhere near

Where the trouble is

If she's getting a kind of a name for herself

And the name ain't his

A person can develop a cough

And furthermore

Just from stalling and stalling

And stalling the wedding trip

A person can develop la grippe

When they get on a train for Niagara

And she can hear church bells chime

The compartment is air-conditioned

And the mood sublime

They get off at Saratoga

For the fourteenth time

Well, a person can develop la grippe

La grippe

La postnasal drip

With the wheezes and the sneezes

And a sinus that's really a pip

From a lack of community property

And a feeling she's getting too old

A person can develop a bad, a bad

A really bad cold!

[ADELAIDE, spoken]

Ah, ah, achoo!