Denial (Lemonade Poem, Part 2)

[Poem]

I tried to change

Closed my mouth more

Tried to be soft, prettier

Less... awake

Fasted for 60 days

Wore white

Abstained from mirrors

Abstained from sex

Slowly did not speak another word

And that time my hair I grew past my ankles

I slept on a mat on the floor

I swallowed a sword

I levitated

Into the basement

Confessed my sins

And was baptized in a river

Got on my knees and said, "Amen"

And said, "I mean"

I whipped my own back

And asked for dominion at your feet

I threw myself into a volcano

I drank the blood and drank the wine

I sat alone and begged and bent at the waist for God

I crossed myself in thought

I saw the devil

I grew thickened skin on my feet

I bathed in bleach

And plugged my menses with the pages from the holy book

But still inside me coiled deep was the need to know

Are you cheating?

Are you cheating on me?