Dreams Aren't Random

[Intro: Therapist]

Dreams aren't random

[Spoken: Jack Antonoff, Therapist]

A-a lot of times for me dreams are way more a feeling than a dream

Mmhm

Um, which so one—

So I guess I'll—

There's three main ( right ) dreams slash feelings I have

But the main one I have is I'm somewhere and it's totally nondescript

And so, it can be different it can be like different places, but I'm somewhere, and nothing is going on, so I'm just in a room, and I don't see anyone, but there— I know it's a person, so, for example, it could be like my mom or it could be a friend or someone I work with or something like that, but I don't— they're not there, so I'm not ever face-to-face

And, it's just this very, very subtle feeling where I'm in a completely nondescript place. I literally can't even describe it (mmhm). It's not like in the clouds (right) it's, it's not— but it's just— it's not white wall. It's not black walls. In the dream, there's no place. All I know is that something is like terribly, terribly wrong. I can never see the person or place where I am, but I know who it is

And, it's just something is like deeply, deeply wrong

(But it's not specific what the thing is)

It's, it's completely non-specific. I can never figure it out, and when I wake up from that dream, which happens probably once a week, it can take me anywhere from a few hours to the rest of that whole day to get out of it

And, it's like that feeling like ya know when you get terrible news, and you like forget it for a second (mmhm), and you know something is horribly wrong (right). And then you're like, "Oh, it's 'cause of there was that terrible earthquake (right), or so-and-so just got cancer or whatever" (mmhm). It's that feeling all day

So, that's one main dream (okay)

Um, this second dream is I've— is a little bit more specific. In that dream, I've cheated on my girl friend, um, and I didn't want to. And, I'm not— like I'm not having sex in the dream. I'm not— there's no like... pleasure component (right), but I feel bad about. It's once again just this feeling I'm somewhere, I'm nondescript, I cheated, I wish I didn't, but I can't change it

And, that one is like super potent. I'll wake up with it, and I'll feel like I ruined everything

So, those, those two are the main ones. And then maybe like once every six months I'll have this other kind of dream, which (uhmm) is really what the song is about is— so I lost— my sister was born was born with, with brain cancer (uh huh). She died when I was 18. Um, 12 years, wow. I'm— and um, I have this dream, which is super, super specific, (uhmm). I'm with my sister, who's not here anymore... and (uhmm) we're not doing anything specific. But, there's like this— there's this vague feeling that everything is okay. She's there; it's extremely real. Um, she's the way she was. She's 13, which is when she died. She's that age. And... what's crazy about those dreams is when I wake up from those dreams, which is really what the song is about, there's this period of time, which I'm really focused on, fascinated about where probably in, in reality like five seconds, but it feels like a thousand year. Right as you're— I'm leaving the dream and right as I'm falling becoming conscious of it in reality. And that five seconds is like... for, for these dreams specifically when I'm dreaming about my sister. I'm, I'm in reality, but she's not dead. (right) And, it's the most powerful experience ever because my entire life is based on— I feel like and different people's life— lives, um. Like, really it tends defining how things happen, and so for me that was, you know, by far the most defining thing that has happened in my life, so everything I do, if I like drink a glass of water if I walk down the street, I'm doing that as someone who lost my sister. That's just like who I am. It's like being Jewish or six feet tall. It's just like a defining feature of myself, uh. And so, in that split five seconds, I'm not that and it's like I'm literally a totally different person

[Spoken: Therapist, Jack Antonoff]

Um, essentially, in that dream where you're with your sister and she's that age (yeah), you actually are transporting yourself back to yourself with her before she died. really? Yeah, so it's, you're in your, in your psyche you're that person. We can sort of time-travel in our dreams, um. And, we often do. So, you're that person, so it feels like that. You are that person before she died and before that defined who you are. Yeah, like I am less complicated, too. Mhm, so you may actually feel like you're your same age in that dream, your current age. But, actually, psychologically you're not. The one about your sister as you said that's a very defining moment in your life (yeah). And, that's a defining event, um, so it's, it's a way in which you think about yourself on a regular basis, um, so it's going to occur in your dreams regularly too. (mhmm) Um, the others—the cheating dream, was that with your current girlfriend? with every girlfriend I've ever had Oh, that's interesting. with every girlfriend I've ever had, and it's always been the exact same thing. I've never known who I cheated with or what I did. It's just a fact that exists. (right) And sometimes, the dream will play out like sometimes I'll have like, ya know, like little like I have to talk to my girlfriend, I have to figure it out, (yeah, yeah) how am I going to explain this. Like, it'll get deep in that sense, but it always starts from the point of it having already happened, (and—) which seems so sad to me. And the feeling is "I've screwed everything up?" (yeah) That's part of it (mhmm), and that the relationship is gonna end.  (yeah) But, it's always I didn't want to, so it never feels like any sort of cry for help. And, you didn't want to, essentially so you were coerced into cheating on her? No, it's not like, I'm not a victim in the dream (right) in any way. I just don't know why I did it, which is weird because in my life I don't do a lot of things, I don't really do anythings that I don't want to do, or I don't do things I regret much, ya know. It's out of character, but it's so intense and so specific. It's almost like another person living in that dream state (yeah) that does that. 

[Transcription incomplete]