Talkin’ John Birch Paranoid Blues (Live at Philharmonic Hall, New York, NY - October 1964)

[Verse 1]

Well, I was feelin’ sad and kind of blue

I didn’t know what in the world I was gonna do

Them Communists they was comin’ around

They were in the air

They were on the ground

They were all over

[Verse 2]

So I ran down most hurriedly

And joined the John Birch Society

I got me a secret membership card

Went back to my backyard

And started lookin' on the sidewalk

'Neath the rose bush

[Verse 3]

Well, I was lookin’ everywhere for them gol-darned Reds

I got up in the mornin’ ’n’ lookеd under my bed

Looked bеhind my kitchen, behind the door

Even tore loose the kitchen floor

I couldn’t find any

[Verse 4]

I looked beneath the sofa, beneath the chair

Lookin' form them Reds everywhere

I looked way up my chimney hole

I even looked deep down inside my toilet bowl

They got away

[Verse 5]

I heard some footsteps by the front porch door

So I grabbed my shotgun from the floor

I snuck around the house with a huff and a hiss

Sayin' "Hands up, you Communist!"

It was the mailman

He punched me out

[Verse 6]

Well, I quit my job so I could work alone

I got a magnifying glass like Sherlock Holmes

Followed some clues from my detective bag

And discovered there was red stripes on the American flag

Did you know about Betsy Ross?

[Verse 7]

Well, I was sittin’ home alone an’ I started to sweat

I figured they was in my television set

I peeked behind the picture frame

And got a shock from my feet that hit my brain

Them Reds did it

The ones on the "Hootenanny"

[Verse 8]

Well, I fin’ly started thinkin’ straight

When I run outa things to investigate

I couldn’t imagine doin’ anything else

So now I’m sittin’ home investigatin’ myself

Hope I don’t find out too much, good God