Ungrateful

I don't wanna seem ungrateful God
But I don't wanna be here
I got some things to get off my chest
But maybe it's best I keep it a secret
31st December, the first of Jan
Same shit, I don't care 'bout the new year
New house somewhere that ain't poverty driven
It's mad in the place that I grew in
Yo
Served a pregnant lady, it fucked up my head
Couple things I regret tryna earn a wage
"48 Laws" one book that I read
So if I repent can I turn the page?
Gotta get rid of bad vibes
Anti-clockwise gotta burn the sage, uh
I'll say with it chest but I know some things locked in
I prefer not to say
I fucked up, I'm admittin' it
I got no ego, I got no shame
I swallow my pride and say that I'm missing it
Creep in the changing room at school
And teef from the kids that are privileged, uh
Stolen clothes with a rip in it
Also a stolen phone no SIM in it
Now I got P's I give a lot back
No charity work tryna write off tax
Feds got me on a driving ban
In the passenger seat 'til my license back, uh
Ghost and fly off the map, uh
Try get my mind off rap
I get some sort of survivors guilt
When I see YM's still supplyin' crack
This life don't come with retiring plans
It'll come to an end in unfortunate ways
No such thing as positive thinkin'
When you're locked in, it feel like a maze
Often lose faith and forget to pray
You don't wanna land on the wing with the guys
Why? 'Cause they might melt your face
Cuz got hit with a eight, why?
Why would he care bout some extra days?
I don't wanna seem ungrateful God
But I don't wanna be here
I got some things to get off my chest
But maybe it's best I keep it a secret
31st December, the first of Jan
Same shit I don't care 'bout the new year
New house somewhere that ain't poverty driven
It's mad in the place that I grew in
Uh, I ain't been home in some weeks
I seek when a man's in need
I got a family tree to feed
I see dead people in my sleep
I see broke people on the feed
Talk is cheap freedom of speech, I guess
But they ain't even got no Ps
Got free Wi-Fi they ain't got 4G
Uh, I wouldn't be able to do what I do
If it weren't for the man before me
I show respect where it's due
Where would I be? If I never met YB?
Giggs, Ghetts, Chip, Skep, Konan, Krept
Kane or Deb, Stormz, Huss, Dave
A couple of names, even DBE
Uh, my mum lost faith in her son when I left school with no GCSE's
Told shorty, "Just 'cause I grew up with nothin' doesn't mean I'm easy to please"
When you need a handout, you don't get help
Why they all wanna help? I ain't even in need
Had one score for an hour of studio time
I couldn't even lease the beat
Do not disturb me when I'm recordin'
My voice sounds clearer than ever, uh
Remember they might distortin'
I grew in a different era
More action, less talkin', he said I'm a dead man walkin'
One in your head, there ain't no respawnin', alright
I don't wanna seem ungrateful God
But I don't wanna be here
I got some things to get off my chest
But maybe it's best I keep it a secret
31st December, the first of Jan
Same shit I don't care 'bout the new year
New house somewhere that ain't poverty driven
It's mad in the place that I grew in