F64

Yo, Jam, this is a letter to you
It's been a while, but it's been hard for me to get in the booth
And since we last spoke, I've become a father of two
Tryin' to live life with a smile, but that's been harder to do

'Cause all I wanna do is talk about you
But these tears won't let me talk about you
We should've known that we'd be lost without you
Therapy sessions, diggin' deep in depression
I got a life full of blessings, but this just breaks my fuckin' heart
At your birthday, couldn't even crack a smile
I just cried and left the party, "Neesh, I'll see you in a while"
Headed to the mural, got some jerk wings and plantain
'Cause that is the way that me and you would celebrate it

I never knew you touched the stuff, 'cause you'd always bad me up
If you saw me more than drunk, you always hated what it does
Before Lyra, I just stopped, I haven't even wanted one
I can't get over, this is fucked, man, I wish I'd known
Ayy-yo, we cried for nine nights in your family home
Laid you to rest in the ground, but without a stone
You know, it hits me most at moments now when I'm alone
Every morning, I remember that you're really gone

'Cause it's been a long night, and I cry 'cause I miss my brother
You know, for life, got your sis and mother
And day and night, it still hits that you're gone
And right now, I'm spillin' tears in my cup
You left the world 'fore you met Jupiter
Wish you'd have known you would be godfather
You would've loved loving my little girls
If not for them, I'd be done with the world

Was there two hours after you passed
Speedin' east to west, silent in the back of the car
Was at your mum's, there all week, tryna make sense, but I can't
And although it's been a year, still feel the pain in my heart
'Cause you were there from the start
The day we met, yeah, I moved in and we were never apart
People assumed that we were lovers, but we're brothers in arms
Symbiotic bond of love and gave each other a chance

My God, ah, fuck's sake!
Lately, I've been crying so much, my lungs ache
Teardrops all over my shirt like blood stains
And I know to heal a heart, it must break
But I'm done praying, they gave me a shovel at your burial
And watching you get lowered is something I can't forget at all
And people find and stop me in the street and say it's terrible
But they don't know you like I knew you, and they never will

No one saw the nights turn into day when we were battle-rappin'
No one saw the belly laugh, and every train to somewhere random
No one saw the holidays, and then our first experience clubbin'
No one knew the things you did for me and never ask for nothin'
No one read the conversations of the moves that we were plannin'
No one knew about the way you felt, the scene left you abandoned
No one knew about your fears 'cause you would hide 'em with a smile
No one knew when people took an inch, you would give 'em a mile

'Cause that was always Jamal, SB to the crowd
They used to shout your net worth, but they don't mention it now
They hear about your good deeds and infectious smile
A golden heart that's still remembered is worth more than a crown
I promised 64 bars, and now I keep it to Tanisha
Mummy, Isaac, the gang, but I just wish that you'd seen it
I can't accept that you're gone, or the grief that I'm feelin'
I prayed to God for answers, but He still won't give me a reason

I think about you every day, nothing will take this pain away
I'll keep your legacy amazing, mate
The conversations at your grave's the only way to be close
I know you'll greet me with a smile on the day that I go

'Cause it's been a long night and I cry 'cause I miss my brother
And for life, got your sis and mother
You know I cry 'cause I miss my brother
My brother was SBTV