Salome Maloney (Live at The Ritz)

Alright, let's talk about The Ritz
Doctor John Cooper Clarke
Wrote a poem called, "Salome Maloney, the queen of The Ritz"
I'm just gonna do the first three really quick (in a lady's voice!)
I tried that earlier, no, no

When I was walking down Oxford Road
When I was walking down Oxford Road
Dressed in what they call the mode
I could hear them spinning all their smash hits
At the mecca of the modern dance, the Ritz

My feet foxtrotted, me sh-, ah
Me shoulders did the shimmy
The bouncer on the door said, "Gimme, gimme, gimme"
I gave 'em the tickets, they gave me the shits
No healthy arguments in the Ritz

Standing by the cig' machine, who did I see
In lurex and terylene, she hypnotised me
I asked her name, she said "It's"
"Salome Maloney, queen of the Ritz"

Lacquered in a beehive
Her barnet didn't budge
Wet-look lips, she smiled as sweet as fudge
She had a number on her back
And sequins on her tits
The sartorial requirements
For females in the Ritz