This Offer Is Unrepeatable

Don't send any money!

Fate has no price

Ignore at your peril this splendid advice

An invaluable link in an infinite chain

An offer like this will just not come again

You wish you had women to charm and bewitch

Power of life and death over the rich

Young girls will be swooning

Because you're exciting them

And not only fall at your feet but be biting them

Guaranteed, guaranteed to capture your breath

Or possibly scare you to death

Sign it and seal it and send it to friends

Don't mention my name

Don't make any long term plans

In thirty-six hours your fortunes will change

Your best friends won't know you

And neither will strangers

Do not keep this letter

It must leave your hand

You have been selected from over five thousand

A twister and dupe will bamboozle and hoodwink you

I can't say more, it would only confuse you

The wine that they offer will go to your head

You'll start seeing double in fishes and bread

Guaranteed, guaranteed for a lifetime or more

Guaranteed, for this world and the next

Guaranteed, guaranteed for the world and its mother

Cherish this life as you won't get another one

Unless you should take up this fabulous offer

Don't leave it too late or you'll be bound to suffer

And woebetide anyone so woebegone

You won't know you're born or about to pass on

You'll never get tired

You'll never get bored

By the way I just hope you're insured

And if you're not satisfied

If you want more

We can always provide an improved overture

Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable

This offer is unrepeatable

Your troubles will vanish

Your tears will dry

Your blessings will just multiply

Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable

This offer is unrepeatable

Guaranteed, guaranteed to bring fortune and favor

A riot of colours and flavours

Guaranteed at a price that is almost unbeatable

This offer is unrepeatable

Would I lie to you? Would I sell you a dud?

Just sign on the line

Could you possibly write it in blood?