Waiting by the urinal for my turn behind two guys
Who are taking their time since they are dressed in an oversized
Tuxedo that combines their bodies into one
Two arms, three legs, a bowtie, a smile as bright as the sun
As if they've been conjoined twins since time begun
Their names are Jun and Arthur, they're getting married today
I've been hired as their wedding singer, they know me by the letter J
They've just learned that with a suit like this, it's hard to pee
So while one guy does his business, the other turns to me
And says, "Sorry, they couldn't pay much," and I say, "It's fine"
'Cause I'm having the time of my life
The drinks are free, and after all, I
Make a fortune from my streams on Spotify
And we laugh, and they struggle to zip their fly
I watch them contort their bodies as they make their way to the sink
Bubbly like soap, like two five-year-olds, giggling
I catch a glimpse of Arthur giving Jun a little kiss
Sure, I'm here in business, but the reason on top of the list
Is not money, it's tenderness
They're dressed as "Two Become One" because it's always been their song
But it's also a reference to Plato's Symposium
The myth where Aristophanes tells how Zeus split us in half
And how we're all out there looking for the other part of ourselves
To be re-attached, the wound stitched up all nice and neat
The dream of finally being complete
Finally being complete
One of the guys says, "Isn't it sweet?
It's kinda like The Human Centipede"
All the other guests at this wedding are also dressed as songs
I was gonna be Nena's "99 Luftballons"
But with red balloons taped to my body, my mind was changed
As I looked more like a raspberry, so I picked "Raspberry Beret"
"Gin and Juice" is drunk, "Teenage Kicks" kicking up a racket
I can't take my eyes off a girl in a straitjacket
She nods as if she wants me to help unlatch it
She stares at me as if her eyes are hatchets
Behind her red heart-shaped glasses
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