Nothing Is For Nothing

This poem is called "Nothing is for Nothing." MMM if you feel it holler when you hear it.

I had been turning tricks longer than I actually knew it

Being whatever they wanted me to be whenever they wanted me to be it

A freak, inside, outside kitchen counters, laundry mats, hotels, motels

And backseats of leased cars, vans and jeeps

Made myself like it cause they liked it and I liked that they liked it

And so I continued being the perfect image of a wet dream

Nasty, wild, exotic, erotic, freak was they wanted  so freak was who I was

And everybody was walking around talking about me

Like teenage pregnancy wasn't becoming synonymous with being black and woman

Like America wasn't suffocating our thoughts

Like there was nothing to talk about what was doing or screwing

And I thought the whole damn thing was ridiculous, which it was

"Cause I was content giving my men a little heaven between their struggle to breathe and their contemplation of suicide

Wasn't I good for the cause?

Closed mind, open legs, making niggas forget why they're so damn angry

Wasn't I good?

Then the mood swung as well the tempo and I became an ideal

So they want her pretty and docile, caring and stupid

And there I was on your Mark, Seth, Joe, and I was Suzy Homemaker on the hunt for love

Cooking and cleaning, ironing, faithful and a freak cause that's what they liked

And I liked being what they liked so that's what I was

A prostitute, selling my soul for emotional gain

Struggling not to be the third generation of lonely women in my family

Struggling to gain but gaining nothing but confusion, frustration, illusion

Cause there was no love, just empty condom wrappers on the floors to be discarded like me.

A prize performer long before I actually knew it too, cause I was faking me out of the me. I would become...

The me that I see now

The me that holds onto herself with both hands and all feet

The me who must have love and give it

The me who brings more to the table than good looks and a wet hole

The me that is confident, and intelligent and filled to the brim with respect for me

And a freak cause that's what I like

And I like being what I like

And what I like is all a part of what I am.