I Hate Chicago

I hate the city of Chicago

Man, this place feels like nowhere

And the traffic makes getting nowhere take that much longer

I hate the Cubs, the Sox, the Blackhawks and the Bulls

I couldn't give a shit about the Pumpkins, Slint or Wilco

Learn to make a pizza you fucking jack-offs

Say hello back when someone says hello, you asshole

I hate O'Hare, I hate Midway, I can't stand Chicago

Oh, the best part is leaving

'Cause maybe one day I'll never come back again

And If I die in this shithole

Float my corpse down the Calumet

'Cause I'd rather rot in Gary

Miller Beach may actually be paradise

(Alright, Christ, you caught me

This is actually just another divorce song)

Maybe it's not all of Cook County's fault

But it feels like another dogshit day in Suck City

Jesus Christ, could you assholes at least learn how to drive?

Yeah, fuck XRT and fuck Lollapalooza

You and all of your self-righteous hipster 'hoods can go to hell

I especially hate Bridgeport 'cause that's where she lives

For every reason that she loves it, I can't stand Chicago

Oh, when I head north on Lake Shore Drive

I fly and I close my eyes

And I reach the magic point

And I run for magic miles

Yeah, when I head north on Lake Shore Drive

I fly and I close my eyes

And I reach the magic point

And I run for magic miles

Lake Michigan becomes an ocean and I know

Somewhere beyond it is waiting, just for me

No matter how high you dickheads build it

You'll only ever be in Illinois

And that'll always be way too close to Missouri