The Cask

[Edgar:]

Never bet the devil your head. When I was an infant, my mother treated me like a tough steak. To her well regulated mind, babies were the better for beatings, but she was left handed and a child flogged left handed is better left unflogged, The world revolves from right to left; it will not do to whip a baby from left to right. If each blow in the right direction drives an evil propensity out, a blow in the opposite direction knocks its quota of wickedness in. Hence my precocity in vice, my sensitivity to injuries, the thousands of injuries heaped upon me by Fortunato and then finally his rabid insults for which I vowed revenge! I gave no utterance to threat. But the knowledge of "avengemenship" was so definite, so precise, that no risk could befall me. By neither word nor deed had I given cause to doubt my good will. I would punish with impunity. I will fuck him up the ass and piss in his face. I will redress the wrong. But lips and psyche, mind, be silent: Fortunato approaches

[Fortunato:]

Don't take me to task for loving a cask

The cask of Amontillado

Please don't make a pass, you can go kiss my ass

All I want is this mythical cask

The cask of Amontillado

I've heard so much through the grapevine

I've heard so much on the line

But the one thing that I lust after

Is the one thing I've never had

So is it too much to ask?

To have just one taste of the cask?

Why, you could go kiss my ass

For the cask of Amontillado

Edgar, old fellow!

Dear bosom friend, hail fellow, well-met!

Oh great elucidator, great epopee!

[Edgar:]

Haha, Fortunato, what luck to meet you

And what good good luck to meet you

And see you looking so splendid!

I have received a cask of Amontillado

Or what passes for Amontillado

[Fortunato:]

Amontillado?

That most wondrous sherry?

A cask?

Impossible!

How?

So rare!

[Edgar:]

I've had my doubts

I was silly enough to pay the full price without consulting you in the matter

But you were not to be found, and I was fearful of losing a bargain

[Fortunato:]

Fearfully stupid if you ask me, Edgar

[Edgar:]

I am on my way to see Mr. Bolo

[Fortunato:]

A cask!

[Edgar:]

A cask

To gather his opinion

Are you engaged?

[Fortunato:]

Mr. Bolo cannot tell Amontillado from goat's milk!

[Edgar:]

Yet, some say his taste is a match for your own

[Fortunato:]

Hardly, dear boy

Let us go

[Edgar:]

Where?

[Fortunato:]

To your vaults!

To the supposed Amontillado!

[Edgar:]

Oh my good friend, no

I could not impose upon your good nature

You have, after all, an engagement

[Fortunato:]

To hell with the engagement!

I have no engagement!

Before the sky withers and falls, let us go!

[coughing]

[Edgar:]

But the vaults are damp

And I see you are afflicted with a severe cold

[Fortunato:]

Oh let us go, the cold is nothing!

You've been taken advantage of

And Mr. Bolo cannot tell Amontillado from piss

The cask?

[Edgar:]

It is farther on

But see the white web work

Which gleams from the cavern walls

[Fortunato:]

[coughing]

Nitre?

Nitre?

[Edgar:]

How long have you had that cough?

Yes, nitre

[Fortunato:]

It is nothing

[Edgar:]

We should go back

Your health is precious

You are a man who would be missed

[Fortunato:]

[coughing]

[Edgar:]

Let's return

I cannot be responsible for causing you ill health

And anyway there's always Mr. Bolo

[Fortunato:]

Oh be damned, I'll not be swayed

The cough is nothing

It will not kill me

I won't die of a cough

[Edgar:]

Of that, you can be sure

Have some of this Medoc to warm the bones

And defend you from this infernal dampness

Drink.. drink, damn you!

[Fortunato:]

I drink to the buried that repose around us

[Edgar:]

And I to your long life!

The nitre

It hangs like moss

We are below the river's bed

The moisture trickles, chills the bones

Let's go back

Your cough

[Fortunato:]

The cough is nothing

Let us have some more Medoc

Let us proceed to the Amontillado

[Edgar:]

So proceed

Herein the Amontillado

Now Mr. Bolo

[Fortunato:]

Mr. Bolo is an imbecile!

An ignoramus!

[Edgar:]

Can you not feel the nitre?

You really should go, I implore you

No?

Then I must leave you here

But first let me render you all the little attentions within my power

[Fortunato:]

The Amontillado

Hahahaha...

A very good joke indeed, haha

We will have many a rich laugh about it over our wine in the palazzo

[Edgar:]

The Amontillado

[Fortunato:]

Yes, yes yes

The Amontillado

[Edgar:]

Well, then let's go

[Fortunato:]

For, for the love of God!

[Edgar:]

Precisely

For the love of God

Fortunato

Fortunato...