Penis Song

[Intro]

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing

The "Penis Song"

(Oh no, he didn't) (Honkey dick)

[Chorus 1]

This is my penis song

I wish that I had a bigger shlong

One that was quite a bit more thick and way more long

One of those porno king kong dongs

[Verse 1]

Haha, check it out, yo, uh

I wish my dick was bigger, yep, I can admit it

I'm above average on inches but I wanted damn double digits

If I had a big ol' cock what would I do?

I'd probably go to Florida and show it to Trina and screw

Get butt naked and start streaking at my school

And get arrested but at least the girls would be impressed

With my third leg and, and then I'd go to a keg and

Do a keg stand, get drunk and do the running man

With no clothes on just to show off

"My dick's bigger than yours when mine is cold and soft"

Haha, oh yeah

I forgot that's not really the cock that I have

I went out and party-bagged 'em and quickly opened the package

And it fit me like Kriss Kross's old school starter jackets

Tryna convince myself like, "Size doesn't matter

Anyways I'd probably just put it on backwards," I mean

I know that God made us all different and special

But shit did he really have to invent lopsided testicles?

[Interlude 1]

I don't have them, I just... I feel bad for, like, you know the guys with like, you know, their left one hangs like lower than the right one, kinda like a—kinda like a lazy eye, like on your, on your balls. I don—I don't know, I just just heard that... I feel bad

[Chorus 2]

This is my penis song

I wish that I had a bigger shlong

One that was quite a bit more thick and way more long

Fellas, if y'all feel me sing along (Don't front, don't front)

[Interlude 2]

Yo yo yo, Ayo ladies? Yeah? Ladies? Yeah? Do you want a guy with an average dick? Hell no. Then—wait, you don't? No, honkey dick. Okay, that's cool (Whatever) No, that's fine

[Verse 2]

I promise, I'm so self conscious

That's why you never see me skinny dippin' in August

Always walkin' around with my hands in my pockets

Tryna pump blood into my guy Alfonso

I mean, goddamn I don't think you girls understand

I've had a complex since that song Short Short Man

And even though girls have told me that I'm big

When I watch a porno I feel like a little kid

I mean, let's take Ron Jeremy

Now if a girl sees him she'll compare him to me

And every MC in hip-hop has got a huge cock

Or at least talks about it in every song that they drop

I mean, shit

If I was really hung I'd make a whole album called Me and My Dick

With interludes of all the girls that I'd been with

And talk about my package and multiple orgasms

'Cause all that I see is that size does matter

We got Enzite, penis pumps, surgery to Viagra

But when it all adds up you can't really change it

I'm not a porno star, I just gotta face it

[Interlude 3]

You know, I mean, what can I do? Nothing, right? This song goes out to, like, all the, like, little bit above average dudes, to, like, the small dudes, medium dudes but all you big guys, man, stop [?]

[Chorus 2]

This is my penis song

I wish that I had a bigger shlong

One that was quite a bit more thick and way more long

Fellas, if y'all feel me sing along (Don't front, don't front)