Herbert

She was further than her father

But I was really rather

Partial to the way...

To the way she took her stand

She glanced over his shoulder

Urging me to be bolder

I subtly tried to push past her old man

But he stepped sideways firmly

A prop forward from Burnley

I felt like I'd walked into a brick wall

He menacingly whispered: "Sonny Jim

I know exactly where you've been

Stop now or believe me - you will fall"

She was a preacher's daughter

A rugby playing porter

Who'd become a wealthy hotelier

Before he got the calling

That fuels his stonewalling

Now he wants to put me my derriere

Oh yeah, the wages of sin

There's a big fat bloke trying to do me in

Well I can't hide and I can't run

He's chasing me around with an old shotgun

Well it was some time later, that I overheard her pater

Holding forth and splendidly well oiled:

"Where there's muck there's brass

And I'll tell you now no lass

Of mine will be sullied or despoiled

By a rotten little Herbert

My princess made of sherbert

A lavender, my cupcake, coo ca choo"

My chance's getting slimmer

My hopes were going dimmer

So I grabbed her and I took her in the loo

She was a preacher's daughter

And I really didn't oughta

Have taken her and done what I have done

He wants to take me to the cleaners

For previous misdemeanours

And get me up the aisle with his shotgun

And take me up the aisle with his shotgun

Oh yeah, the wages of sin

There's a big fat bloke trying to do me in

Well I can't hide and I can't run

He's chasing me around with an old shotgun

Yeah, yeah, the wages of sin

There's a big fat bloke trying to do me in

Well I can't hide and I can't run

He's chasing me around with an old shotgun

He's an antique shotgun