PBS

Elmo's out in the hood one morning

So pissed off that he put out a warning

Said if he ever see Ernie or Bert, swear on his life that they gonna get hurt

'Cause Bert and Ern' got a hood operation

Heard sellin' O's was a good occupation

So they came with a foolproof plan

To go in the business and make a few grand

But everything around here's Elmo's turf

Ever since he first had beef with the smurf

All he ever found was a little white hat

Stained with the blue blood couldn't strike back

Once again, gotta prove he's no slouch

Gets on the phone, calls Oscar the Grouch

Tells him he'll get ten-thousand a head

For Bert and Ern' if they're both found dead

Grouch is a big thug, carries a 'K

And somebody's always getting carried away

When he come around trippin'

Them boys better not come around slippin', they'll be underground drippin'

Grover's outside, in front of Crown Chicken

Trying to talk Zoe into coming down strippin'

They see Grouch and they hop in the store

Grouch starts shootin', they drop to the floor

"So why's he shootin' at him and the bitch?"

Word on the street is Grover's a snitch

Turns state's evidence

Got Big Bird locked, gave cops the address to his residence

For the right kind of presidents

You can get shot on the spot, no hesitance

But anyway, the drive-by fail

Ernie on the run, Grouch hot on the trail

Bert said 'enough of this'

Got on the phone, called his own hitman, Snuffleupagus

He said 'we got a problem, Snuff...

Elmo's mad and this boy don't bluff'

He wants me and Ern' in the morgue, but I ain't going out like Kermit the Frog

He got both legs chopped off

And died with some fries on the side and some hot sauce

They had a business connection

Now Miss Piggy's in the witness protection

Bert said 'we gotta act first...

'cause I ain't gonna ride in the back of a black hearse...

Mom's dressed up in the black church...

With a black dress and a black purse'

Snuff' said 'don't sweat it...

Elmo and his whole team gon' get it...

But it won't be a fun job...

So I brought in my homeboy, Spongebob'

Snuffy and Sponge' ridin' round in the funk

Elmo and Count out front gettin' drunk

Sponge', he got a '9

Snuffy got a big black sword of punk that he keeps in the trunk

They jump out the car like a scene in a movie

Count throws his cape back, dude got an uzi

He lets off every shot in the gun

400 rounds and he counted each one

Elmo's smilin', he's so cunning

He knew they were coming, so he's not running

Grouch pops out of a trash can, gunning

Shooting every which-a-way

Shots like picture day

Sound like the Vietnam War

Snuffy catch four, Spongebob gets away

You wonder how he escaped?

Snuffy didn't know that Sponge' was a snake

He's been hanging with Elmo's crew since he fell out with Patrick back in '02

They jump in the truck and they ride out

On their way to Bert and Ern's hideout

They had Spongebob show the way

He was over there just the other day

They lock and load it with a full clip

But y'all know, this is pure bullshit