Sassy Britches

[Verse 1]

I once knew a girl named Sassy Britches

And she would call my name three thousand times a day

She was running 'round town burning bridges

Now my ride home's never quite the same

I once knew a girl named Sassy Britches

And I swear unto you it's her God-given name

I told her friends they're stuck-up bitches

And now my napkin's soaked with bloodstains

[Pre-Chorus]

The more you learn the less you know

I'll bet everything is fine

I'll bet everything is fine

The more you see the less you show

[Chorus]

Oh yeah, everything is fine

This shit happens all the time

Oh yeah, everything is fine

This shit happens all the time

[Verse 2]

Her family showered me with countless riches

Yet I'm in a bit of a bind, I need much more than that

Maybe I could sell her cooking, classy (tasty) delicious dishes

Then give my spiel about how it's imported

[Pre-Chorus]

The less you seed the more you grow

I'll bet nothing is on time

I'll bet nothing's ever on time

The more you see the less you show

[Chorus]

Oh yeah, everything is fine

This shit happens all the time

Oh yeah, everything is fine

This shit happens all the time

I need something I can't find

Oh yeah, everything is fine

This shit happens all the time

This shit happens all the time

[Break]

[Verse 3]

I still know a girl named Sassy Britches

And her voice comforts me flying right through thin air

Now I've taken time off work to protest her wishes

But no one's ever around, is there anyone there, anyone there?

[Pre-Chorus]

The more you learn the less you know

I'll bet you're all out of line

(Turn around with the wrong reaction)

I'll bet you're all out of line

(Fake us out with a cheap distraction)

The more you reap the more you owe

[Chorus]

Oh yeah, everything is fine

This shit happens all the time

Oh yeah, everything is fine

This shit happens all the time

Oh yeah everything is fine

This shit happens all the time

Oh yeah, everything is fine

This shit happens all the time

[Bridge]

Oh Miss Britches, sassy and sweet

Tell me what more could a young girl be?

I've got a punk rock band called Love

We've got songs that consist of

8-bar sections, gritty and brash

We got a gig opening for The Clash

Everyone clowned us, Sassy, oh, Sassy

What makes a punk rocker treat us so nasty?

Mountain Dew and a pierced eardrum

What makes a punk rocker act so dumb?

Velvet postcards I'll send ya, Miss Britches

Bit my tongue and received nine stitches

Bitches and hoes always come to the shows

Popping sugar and butterscotch in the nose and it shows

'Cause they'll lose their hair like Ted Danson

Snatch up all the kiddies and then hold 'em all for ransom

Burnin' all your bridges and then build 'em back with plastic

Little old ladies makin' cookies from elastic

Ha, and it don't stop there!

Ex-bass players all have blue hair

Boo-boop-be-doop-a-shang-a-lang-Cocoa-Puff

Kurt Haggadorn has a Self Big Muff

Betcha makes ya dizzy watch the big wax spin

Turn it up to 20, just a suggestion