[Refrain]
Vapor-distilled water
With electrolytes added for flavor
It's nice for you
Vapor-distilled water
With electrolytes added for flavor
It's nice for you
[Verse 1]
I took Ben over to the French Quarter
So he could at least go back to Budapest
And say he went to the French Quarter
I mean, he's gonna go back, and people are gonna ask him
"Did you go to the French Quarter?"
For the most part, he seems coziest on this side of town
We both are
This is wherе we're recording
Wе don't like to stray too far
That way, we can get more work done
Plus, it was raining, windy, and cold
For the first few days when he got here
But today, the sun was shinin' at nine o'clock in the morning
So I called him, and he was up for getting the day going
I said I knew a good spot in the French Quarter called Felix's
That has oysters and also alligator
The subject of alligator's been on his mind since he arrived
I mean, Ben's been to Canada and other places in the USA
But not Louisiana, this is his first time here
The first thing he asked me when I saw him on this trip
He said, "Will we see any alligators or crocodiles?"
I said, "Well, we'll see them on plates at restaurants
But to see live, actual alligators
We'll need to go on a thing called a 'swamp tour'
They throw things in the swamps
And alligators come to the surface and eat them
But yeah, other than that
You'll see alligators on menus at restaurants
And maybe at tourist shops
If we even get around to that"
[Verse 2]
He said, "Really? People eat them?"
I said, "Oh yeah, alligator's an industry down here
You don't get the TV show Swamp People in Hungary?"
He said, "No, we don't"
I said, "Man, it's a show about alligator hunters
And how they own areas of swamps
The same way farmers own acres of land
And that they're allowed to hunt alligators
In the areas of the swamps that they own"
Though I've never hunted alligators, nor would I
I explained the process to him
How they hang treble hooks from trees
With chicken as bait
And how they come back the next morning
To see if any alligators are on the line
If an alligator's on the line
They pull them up to the boat
And one guy's job is to shoot the alligator
With a rifle right between the eyes
While it's struggling to break the line
Whippin' it's head back and forth
Tipping the boat to its side
"You've not seen that show?
Where they're pulling the alligator up
And the guy goes, 'Shoot 'im! Shoot 'im!'"
"No, I've not seen it," he said
[Verse 3]
Last night, Ben heard me and a guy goin' on
About how good alligator tasted
And how I liked it fried
And how he liked it blackened
Ben shook his head sideways in total disbelief
When he heard me and the guy goin' on
About how good alligator tasted
Ben asked, "Which part of the alligator do they eat?"
I said, "The tail, maybe around the body a little
But mostly the tail, I'm pretty sure"
"What do they do with the rest of it?" he asked
"Oh, you'll see," I told him
[Verse 4]
So we walked over to Felix's
Over there at Iberville and Bourbon
I ordered raw oysters and fried alligator
He ordered charbroiled oysters
He tried one of my oysters
And I really didn't know what he'd think
It was his first time eating a Gulf Coast oyster
He ate the oyster and his eyes popped out
He said, "Man, that was really good
Can I try another?"
I said, "Sure, have as many as you want"
The alligator showed up just before the charbroiled oysters
Little crispy nuggets of alligator
He said, "Can I try it?"
I said, "Sure"
He ate it and said, "Wow, this is really good
Can I try another?"
I said, "Sure, have as many as you want"
We finished the alligator, and he said
"Can we order more alligator?"
I was thinking, "Wow, this guy who was so skeptical of eating alligator
Is now ordering another serving of alligator"
So we ordered another
Then the charbroiled oysters showed up
They were served with French bread to dip
Into the buttery sauce that the oysters are broiled in
It was a big plate
The oysters were smoky and steaming
We were both kinda full a few broiled oysters in
Ben said, "Maybe let's skip the extra order of alligator for tonight"
I said, "Okay," and told the guy, "We'll pass on the other order of alligator"
He said, "No problem"
[Verse 5]
After that, we went to Café Du Monde
It's basically a sin to not take a friend to Café Du Monde
If they've never been to New Orleans before
We ate three beignets and had coffee
We then went to the Faulkner House bookstore
I was on the hunt for his first book Soldiers' Pay
I went there with Ben and asked the guy who worked there
"Which Faulkner book is about New Orleans besides Mosquitoes?
I'm tired of reading about Mississippi"
He said, "Well, he wrote Soldiers' Pay here
But it's not actually about New Orleans"
I said, "What about this book called New Orleans Sketches?
It's not about New Orleans?"
He said, "No, those are articles from when he lived in New Orleans
And wrote for The Times-Picayune"
While this conversation was happenin'
Ben went over and looked at a copy of Mosquitoes
I said, "Man, that book is amazing
It opens on Royal Street in August
This character is infatuated with all these New Orleans artists
And takes 'em out on a boat trip
Expecting them to be how she imagined they would be
And how disappointed she was to find out
That they were just normal human beings
One guy never wanted to leave his room"
The bookstore guy said, "That is the best, um... um..."
"Synopsis?" I asked
"Yes, that's it! That's the best description of Faulkner's Mosquitoes I've ever heard"
"Aw, thanks," I said
On the way out, I pointed out A Confederacy of Dunces
Someone shoppin' in there said to her friend
"Oh, I just got that book for somebody
But they haven't read it yet"
I said, "That is the funniest book ever written
That and Catcher in the Rye
A Confederacy of Dunces is one of the funniest books ever written"
The bookstore guy said, "He's right
It's actually really funny"
[Verse 6]
Ben and I left, and he said, "Maybe you should work at this place"
Then he said, "Where can I go to get gifts for my family?"
I said, "The French Market, let's go over there now
It's just past Café Du Monde"
We walked over there
And he saw this table full of things
And said, "What are these?"
I said, "Those are alligator claws"
He said, "Really?"
I said, "Yeah"
But then he looked over on the other side of the table
Where all these alligator heads were
He said, "Those are actual alligator heads?"
I said, "Yeah, man, I was tellin' you
This is what they do with the other parts of the alligator that people don't eat
These are souvenirs"
He picked up three of the alligator claws that were in plastic bags
And said to the guy workin' the booth
"Can I please buy these?"
From there, we walked to the Mississippi
And walked along the bank for a while, takin' photos
We then crossed the train tracks back over to Decatur
And he said, "Man, I'm really thirsty"
I said, "Ah, man, I know just the thing"
[Refrain]
He said, "What's that?"
Vapor-distilled water
With electrolytes added for flavor
It's nice for you
Vapor-distilled water
With electrolytes added for flavor
It's nice for you
[Verse 7]
We left Rouses Market on Royal Street
With a few bags of bottled water
There's no such thing as too much bottled water in New Orleans
From there, we walked up to the Monteleone
Took a cab back over to this part of town
And got back to work
At the end of the night, I was packing my computer bag
Putting my reading glasses in there
My charger, my disposable camera
As I was about to leave, Ben said to me
"Is it OK if we go to the place that has the alligator again tomorrow?"
I said, "For sure! Man, full disclosure
I eat at that place every day
Almost every day I'm here"
He said, "Great"
But then he looked down at the Rouses bag
That I'd brought back, that was lying on the table
That's next to the chair where I do vocals
And he said
[Refrain]
"Don't forget your
Vapor-distilled water
With electrolytes added for flavor
It's nice for you
Vapor-distilled water
With electrolytes added for flavor
It's nice for you"
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