The Beatles' 1968 Christmas Record

[Ringo Starr]

Hello, this is a big hi and a sincere Merry Christmas from yours truly, Ringo Starr!

[Slightly sped-up sample of “Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da” intro with piano plunking over it]

[Paul McCartney Singing]

Happy New Year, happy Christmas

Happy Easter, happy autumn

Happy Michelmas, everybody

Happy Christmas, everybody to you

I'd like to wish everybody happy Christmas

This year of 1968 going on 69

Happy Christmas, happy New Year

All the best to you from here

[Opera sample]

I'd like to wish everybody

Happy Christmas, happy New Year

From there to here

Happy New Year, happy New Year

Happy New Year, happy New Year

[Clapping]

[Sped-up marching band sample with kids cheering]

[Sped-up sample of Helter Skelter]

When I get to the bottom

I go back to the top of the slide

Where I stop, and I turn, and I go for a ride

Till I get to the bottom and I see you again

[Over “Believe Me, If All Those Endearing Young Charms” played on piano]

(J): Once upon a time, there were two balloons called Jock and Yono

They were strictly in love, bound to happen in a million years

They were together, man

Unfortunatimetable, they seemed to have previous experience which

Kept calling them one way or another, you know how it is

But they battled on against overwhelming oddities

Including some of their beast friends

Being in love they cloong together even more, man

But some of the poisoness monsters of outrated buslodedapethrowers did Stick slightly

And they occasionally had to resort to the dry cleaners

Luckily, this did not kill them and they weren't banned from the Olympic Games

They lived hopefully ever after and who could blame them

[Baroque Hoedown by Jean-Jacques Perrey and Gershon Kingsley sample]

[George Harrison]

Well, here we are again, another fab Christmas

Christmas time is here again, ain't been around since last year

And we'd like to take this opportunity

All the way from America, to say happy Christmas to you

Our faithful beloved fans all over the world who have made

Our life worth living, and over here I have

Mr. Malcolm Evans who's through thick and thin

Who would surely like to say a word of greeting

At this festive occasion

[Mal Evans]

Merry Christmas, children everywhere!

[Over a sped-up orchestra recording of “Deck the Halls”, and sample of crowd cheering]

[Unknown Person]

At the first stroke, it will be-

[Ringo Starr, George Harrison]

Ringo Starr, thank you!

Good evening

Hello me dear. I didn't know you were coming

I'm not surprised

“Well, I am, certainly am!”

I would have thought so myself

Well, if you ask me, I think it's insane

Occasionally

Yes, me, too, twice a week sometimes

Fourteen and six

Nineteen and five to save me if you don't mind

Yes, I know

Don't you say yes to me! I'm telling you!

This is a private line, you know

Private line? I've been on this line for two years!

[Ringo Starr]

Well, it's my proud pleasure tonight to introduce one of

The most versatile performers in our career. And he's

Come all the way from Stokely Carmichel's -on-Sea

And I hope you're going to like him. Let's give him a

Big hand

[Paul McCartney (Double-Tracked Singing)]

Happy New Year, happy Christmas

Happy Easter, happy autumn

Happy Michelmas, everybody

Happy Christmas, everybody to you

[Over distorted piano samples]

[John Lennon]

Once upon a pool table there lived a short-haired

Butcher's boy, by the way of Ostergrad. It comes in

Sentences poolararrowic Airport. Her father was in a

Long story cut short in the middle of his life sentence

We're indebted to the Colloquial office for its immediate

Disposal of her Horowitz, including, I might add, hoc virtallo a totem

On the other handbag, I mean to say

L'amoure ne soome tu joure realistic, strictly speaking

For this film is about an hourglass houseboat. The full

Meaning of Winchester Cathedral defies description. Their

Loss was our Gainsborough nil

[John Lennon (Double Tracked)]

The sound of a manservantile defectively lasting barred

Up in a love-dizzy gar-di-dell time. How close can you

Gettysburg and ever underly council ya originally a

Birdbath feeling-

[George Harrison]

Cut!

We have a special guest here this evening, Mr Tiny Tim

I'd like to ask him to say a few words

[Tiny Tim]

Oh, hello to you nice Beatles. Ah, it's so wonderful

What a thrill it is talking here. Ah, in Mr. Harrison's

Presence, Mr. Weiss' presence, and all his nice wonderful

Friends. And the thing is, I just wanna say Merry

Christmas to you all. And ah, a Happy New Year

[George Harrison]

Thank you, Tiny. Would you like to sing us a little song?

[Tiny Tim]

Ah, I'd love to

Here's a song I did in 1966 in front of

Miss Jill for the first time. And I did this in Albert

Hall, and what a thrill it was, ah, to do this then, and

Now, exactly the way I did it then

[Tiny Tim Singing]

He's a, ooh, real nowhere man

Living in his nowhere land

Making all his nowhere plans for nobody

Hasn't got a point of view

Knows not where he's going to

Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Nowhere man, don't worry

Take your time, don't hurry

Nowhere man, the world's at your command, ooh

He's a, huh, huh, real nowhere man

Living in his nowhere land

Making all his nowhere plans for nobody, ooh, ooh

[George Harrison]

Thank you, Tiny. Thank you and God bless you, Tiny

[Tiny Tim]

God bless you all, oh, God bless you all