Dear Doctor

[Chorus]

Oh, help me, please, doctor, I'm damaged

There's a pain where there once was a heart

It's sleeping, it's a-beating

Can't you please tear it out and preserve it

Right there in that jar?

[Verse 1]

Oh, help me, please, mama, I'm sickening

It's today that's the day of the plunge

Oh, the gal I'm to marry

Is a bow-legged sow

I've been soaking up drink like a sponge

"Don't you worry, get dressed," cried my mother

As she plied me with bourbon so sour

"Pull your socks up, put your suit on

Comb your long hair down

For you will be wed in the hour"

[Chorus]

So help me, please, doctor, I'm damaged

There's a pain where there once was a heart

I'm sleeping, it's beating

Can't you please take it out and preserve it

Right there in that jar?

Yep

Oh, help me, please, doctor, I'm damaged

There's a pain where there once was a heart

It's sleeping, it's a-beating

Can't you please tear it out and preserve it

Right there in that jar?

[Verse 2]

I was trembling as I put on my jacket

It had creases as sharp as a knife

I put the ring in my pocket

But there was a note

And my heart, it jumped into my mouth

It read, "Darling, I'm sorry to hurt you

But I've no courage to speak to your face

But I'm down in Virginia with your cousin Lou

There'll be no wedding today"

[Chorus]

So help me, please, doctor, I'm damaged

You can put back my heart in its hole

Oh, mama, I'm crying

Tears of relief

And my pulse is now under control

Yeah