Every Stupid Actress

[Verse 1]

I dreamt that I screwed every stupid actress in LA

I dreamt that I was holding them and told them it'd be okay

It's not easy being famous anyways

"So famous," people say

'Cause everyone that you meet just wants to screw you

And you can't complain

[Bridge]

And it's a shame she'd be a queen back in Rhode Island

Now, she waits in line with the other sad clichés

And besides, she's really not so sexy and wild

That was just the part she had to play

[Interlude]

"Don't call me stupid! Don't call me a fraud!"

"A little too pretty for Hollywood, honey."

"What'cha mean, ma'am?"

"Hollywood's full of pretty hip guys. You know what can happen to a pretty girl all alone there?"

[Verse 2]

I dreamt that I saved every stupid actress in LA

And every aging waitress who gave it up

And had to change back her name

They floated out of every coke-fueled party

Every overpriced café

But that was just some dream I had

And when I woke up nothing changed

[Bridge]

Even though she don't have grace like Greta Garbo

Even though she don't have eyes like Clara Bow

That leather glove could pluck you from the huddled mass tomorrow

And toss you through a gilded puff of smoke

[Interlude]

"I once knew a girl who was so beautiful, and smart, with integrity. Don't know what's become of her."

"Don't call me stupid! Don't call me a fraud!"

"Yeah. Some of you act like you got a head with no brain, or neither one of them."

"After all, I've never seen so many go down with so much and come up with so little."

[Verse 3]

I dreamt that I was every stupid actress in LA

I dreamt it that you meant it when you said that

You would come and see my play

You sat there and you watched me

And you thought it was pretty good for a pretty face

And wondered if I had a soul to sell

Would it get bought or just thrown away?

[Bridge]

The statue of infamy, it gazes down in silence

From its perch up there in the Hollywood Hills

Give me your crazy and your desperate and your beautiful but inspired

I'll give them glamour, give them thrills

And to me, there's nothing sad about a dream

She screamed as she swan dove from a pearly-white H

Those nobodies back home, they only dream while they're asleep

Not you and me babe, we keep ours through the day

[Postlude]

"When that test gets to Hollywood, you will be the new dramatic find of the year!"

"You thought it was sad?"

"Sad, Mr. Jenkins? It was miserable."