There's Alot Going On

Yeah, this just my life
Front to back, top to bottom

Everything's changing around me
These days don't feel the same
We all lost faith and lost family
Why must we play this game?
Lord have mercy on me
I've been a sinning man
Pull out my wings, jump off the bridge and crash in a plane
If I never land

Know I never die
We live forever in my mind
And I sanctify
We live forever, still alive

There's a lot going on, but I stick to the ones I love
I never claimed to be a perfect man, but name a great man who was
Consequences of my actions in the past years had me stressing out
It was like, May, I just moved to L.A., I was tryna figure it out
Medication for depression that I cut cold turkey, had the kid manic
In an episode out in Hollywood, wilding out like Nick Cannon
Railing Adderall pills out a dollar bill, on the bathroom floor
Clean the whole mess up with my nose, what the fuck I need a vacuum for?

New York City on my birthday, June 6th, 2014
I had that first meeting with Hov, plus I brought out the whole team
I drank that whole bottle of D'usse Ty Ty gave me that night
When we left the club back to Rap Genius house, me and shorty got into a fight
She came out the room swingin', hit me in the jaw
I was really tryna fend her off
But I ended up in the closet with my hands around her neck
I was tripping, dawg

Too proud to apologize or empathize, I blamed it all on her
Saying that she hit me first, even though she was the one hurt
I was really just reflecting all the hurt that I was feeling from the band's rejection
When Kids These Days split, that shit felt like a c-section
And my infidelity and jealousy with Natalie on top of the amphetamines
And the ecstasy had me tryna drown face down in the Chesapeake

The next month I dropped "Down on My Luck" and had Europe going nuts
But I couldn't even appreciate it at the time, I was going through too much
Now I had to leverage million dollar label deals on the table for my records
In Ibiza eating paella on the roof, tryna choose over breakfast
Hov wasn't with the bidding war, but I knew the Roc just felt right
When I saw Kanye at Wireless, without T-Pain, still a good life
Felt so close when Mr. Hudson introduced me to him backstage
He prolly don't even remember that shit, like a bitch off Backpage

But at that stage, I was ready to swing for the fence like a batting cage
At the same time, I was winding down a low point in my addict phase
The Adderall started wearing off and I went into a deep writer's block
All over a song that I couldn't finish that I wrote about signin' to the Roc

Isn't that ironic? I was feeling so psychotic
With the whole world excited for me and my idol saying I got it
Shit got bad out in L.A., so I moved back home to my mom's basement
Linked up with Smoko and Papi Beatz and took it back to basics

Then I wrote "Rage," that was me screaming out through the pain
And "U Mad," addressing my relationship with Natalie, it was too bad
The violence and the lies slipped suicide into my mental health
I did acid in the studio one day and almost killed myself

As I started to fall apart, certain stars started to align
Om'Mas came to Chicago in January at the perfect time
He said Kanye was working on an album, and Uzi played him one of our songs
He was tryna fly me out, nigga, it was goin' down like the Dow Jones

Pulled up to Westlake, first day I was there, I recorded "Wolves"
I knew I was the one, like Neo meeting with the Oracle
But I had to get a handle 'fore the door was pulled
Crawled out on SNL
All the niggas hating on me back home lookin' at me like, "FML"

A lot of people coming out the wood like, "Let's work," tryna network
All the pressure making my head hurt, the molly wouldn't let the meds work
At this time it's like Feb 1st to the 15th, and I'm still addicted
Frustrated, writing shit for Ye, tryna visualize someone else's vision

Then he laid that verse on "U Mad" and we made the shit the single
Ye and Hov getting into it over me, tryna do a joint venture
And G.O.O.D. Music still fam, but it's that Roc boy SAVEMONEY life
Took the bus out on the road for the Traffic tour, did a hundred nights

Cleaned out my closet, I got rid of all of my demons
If you learn one thing from my journey, nigga, it's don't stop believing
When this shit got so suffocating I could barely even keep breathing
Wrote my wrongs all in this song now I'd like to welcome y'all to my season
Nigga, I'm gone

Know I never die
We live forever in my mind
And I sanctify
We live forever, still alive