Hmm, snails?
What is your earliest memory?
I love that game Space Jump – I'd probably steal an audience member and just make up a wild scenario and riff off each other and see what happens.
What was the last thing you broke?
My phone a few weeks back on a big night out. RIP
What is your tea bag of choice?
At the moment, I love chai tea!
Is there anything you're brilliant at but nobody else knows?
Holding my breath.
What is the worst job you've ever done?
Heavy metal would be pretty sick.
Have you ever been thrown out of somewhere?
Yes, a bar for being too high...
What's the best thing you've ever bought for under £5?
A ticket to a concert when I was 18 that inspired me so much.
What's the most ridiculous lie you believed as a kid?
I used to believe my fortune was determined by those chatterbox paper things kids made in class. I'd take them so seriously!
Have you ever been mistaken for someone else?
I have a rare blood type that only 2% of the population have.
Have you ever had a moment where you realised you were the villain in someone's story?
Yeah, I think I've been the villain a couple of times, if I'm honest.
What's the strangest place you've ever written a song?
On the floor of the shower in a hotel in Amsterdam, actually where I wrote my song 'Amsterdam'.
What's the silliest thing you own?
A framed picture of Cat in the Hat that sits right as you walk in the door to my apartment.
What's a phrase or word you say way too much?
'Do you think?'
If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?
Woolly Mammoths! What beautiful creatures.
Have you ever won anything?
Honestly, I think the last thing I won was a colouring competition at my local supermarket when I was a kid.
If you could have any animal feature (e.g., wings, tail, etc.), what would it be?
Hmmm, maybe the ability to breathe underwater. That would be very cool.
What's the most unusual job you can imagine yourself doing?
I'd love to open a dive bar and curate a lineup for it. I just love creating experiences for people, things that are kinda one night only things!
If you had to have one word tattooed on your face, what word would you have?
I'd probs get an angel number – 888 or 999, perhaps.
What's the most absurd rumour you've heard about yourself?
Actually, a lot of people think I grew up in London, but I lived my whole life in Melbourne and more recently in Sydney. I do love London, though!
Have you ever been in a situation where you thought, "Well, this is how I die"?
Jack Haven. I am so in awe of them.
What do you always have in your refrigerator?
Greek yoghurt, I eat it pretty much every day at the moment.
What's the dumbest injury you've ever had?
Ahh, I've had so many. Most recently, it was an eye injury because I was drunk and was trying to take my contact lenses out, but they were already out, and I really irritated my eye...
If you could bring back one discontinued snack, what would it be?
OMG, the blue snakes!!
What's something that irrationally fills you with rage?
When someone tells me a story they've already told me, and I tell them 'oh you told me this', and then they proceed to tell it again. Sometimes I have patience for it, and other times... I do not.
What's one thing you've always wanted to try?
I'd love to go diving. I love the ocean, even though I'm a little scared of it, but there's something about seeing what's on the ocean floor that fascinates me.
If you could instantly become fluent in any language, which one would you pick?
I'd love to learn Japanese.
Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?
Lara Croft.
What's the last thing you put in your online shopping cart but didn't buy?
A pair of jeans from the UK, that I realised wouldn't arrive in time to Australia for when I wanted them for :(
What's the strangest thing you've ever found on the street?
At this current moment, a 4. I'm drinking coffee, with my hair in a top knot and in gym clothes very much needing a shower.
If you won the lottery, what would you spend the cash on?
The closest I've come is this weird hallucination I had once when I had an antihistamine mixed with a lot of beer and then woke up in a weird sleep terror thing. I don't recommend.
If you could make a guest appearance on any TV show, past or present, what would it be?
Friends!! Imagine how fun it would be just walking in like you knew everyone (well, you do, they just don't know you, I guess).
Why are you like this?
Look, maybe it's the blood type thing; I'm just a lil freak. ■
Taken from the May 2025 issue of Dork. total tommy plays Dork's Night Out at Sebright Arms, London on 7th May.
