Better off Broken

Feeling so anxious, I step in your office Hear: "How was your week? How do you feel?" It's hard to be honest All I can think about is shutting back down What's wrong with me? I should be better by now You tell me be patient, that it'll be worth it All the suppression, session by session, pulled to the surface All of the demons through the years I've bottled up But I'm exhausted, and the past is too much I'm not ready, it's too heavy I'm not ready Why is healing so hard? And why does numb feel like my only friend? 'Cause when I swallow my scars Then I don't have to feel it all again I'm so tired of tearing the trauma back open Am I better off, better off broken? I don't wanna breathe deep, I'm tired of mindful When even the smallest things in my life are making me spiral I had no say, inherited a hemorrhaged heart It's so unfair that every day is this hard I wanna be normal for so many reasons Like, I'll never have the time that I need for anger and grieving Basic functioning's becoming such a chore What would I be like if they cared a little more? I'm not ready, it's too heavy Stop pushing me, just let me be empty Why is healing so hard? (so hard, so hard) And why does numb feel like my only friend? 'Cause when I swallow my scars (my scars, my scars) Then I don't have to feel it all again I'm so tired of tearing the trauma back open Am I better off, better off broken? 'Cause fifty minutes every week is not enough for what I need To give me evidence, I'll shake my skeletons I know you say these thoughts are liars But I don't wanna live this tired With very little proof and everything to lose I'm scared; you're getting sick of me So, tell me honestly Why is healing so hard? And why does numb feel like my only friend? 'Cause when I swallow my scars I don't have to feel Why is healing so hard? (so hard, so hard) And why does numb feel like my only friend? 'Cause when I swallow my scars (my scars, my scars) Then I don't have to feel it all again I'm so tired of tearing the trauma back open Am I better off, better off broken? Am I better off broken? Better off broken? Am I better off, better off broken?