[Round 1: Jake Owen]
Wayne does it all, such talent is rare
He can do absolutely anything, except keep his hair
Or a show on-air, you're a walking toolbox
You make white folks more comfortable than a pair of Birkenstocks
Your rap's so weak, I'm about to eat you for lunch
You're a ratings killer, the weakest of the Brady Bunch
You dance, you can sing, you can play any part
But the one thing you can't ever be is as famous as Kevin Hart
[Round 1: Wayne Brady]
Battle a country star? I was down with that
Battle Jake Owen? Who the hell is that?
Your music, I'd rather listen to Bieber
Or drink Kool-Aid with Donald Trump watching Jungle Fever
Jake the fakey, achy-breaky, made a mistake-y
Your "jokes," jokes in air quotes, your shit is kinda shaky
I'm bald, white people like me, same old thing
Let's make a deal, I'll grow my hair back when you learn how to sing
[Round 2: Jake Owen]
Well, you're a kid-friendly nerd, man, way easy to beat
What block are you repping, Wayne, Sesame Street?
An awful career, now you sure know how to pick it
The difference between me and you, man, is I actually sell tickets
I'm taking you out and there ain't no turning back
The only soul in Wayne Brady is right there in your—
(Oh, you got that patch, you took it off...)
And I see you dancing on a game show, it makes me sad
Little kids watch and they're like, "Man, is that Nick Cannon's dad?"
[Round 2: Wayne Brady]
We're both entertainers, why fight?
We both have Grammy nominations — oh, you don't, yeah, right
I like your first single, I do admit
When I heard this dude's single, I said, "Yeah, that's some shit"
And I meant what I said, ain't that some shit?
I heard you used to golf, you should've stuck with it
When they said my name, you know you should'a hid, man
You could never do all the things that I did, man
In your life, never underestimate the kid, man
You wanna be Keith Urban, bitch, you more Nicole Kidman
[Wayne sets down the mic]
[Jake Owen]
Oh, you better pick it back up. You're gonna need it, man. Alright
[Round 3: Jake Owen]
Well, Wayne Brady, man, I ain't gotta take this
You recorded hundreds of songs, bitch, ya ain't never had a hit
When I see you on TV, I wanna change the channel stat
You're like a Jeff Dunham puppet, bringing boring comedy back
Man, I've been known to improv and turn you into magic
So here's a suggestion for you, Wayne: bitch, walk into traffic
And all the shit you're sayin', man, it sounds so crazy
You think you're "Wayne Brady, bitch", you're a bitch, Wayne Brady
[Wayne Brady]
That is true. That is true. That is true. Hey, Josh. Josh, give me something like a...
[Beatboxer Josh Silverstein matches Wayne's beat]
[Wayne Brady]
Put your hands in the air. Now put your hands in the air. Hey
[Round 3: Wayne Brady]
My intellect collects checks, my mind jumps hurdles
You're too dumb for NASCAR, and they drive 'round in circles
I tour the world doing musical shenanigans
You play shows at Walmart, after party at a Bennigan's
I was getting Emmys while you were in a Chevy
With a hemi in the back of a Denny's, singing for pennies
This TV and reality, which is which?
Tell me, does Wayne Brady have to choke a country music bitch?
