Crap Art

Well I like my sums to be hard And I like my sculptures to be made of lard And I like my crosswords to be done in advance And I like my rhymes to be crap And I like my paintings to be quarter-arsed And I like my music to be falling apart And I like my newspapers to be turned into masks And I like my rhymes to be crap And repetitive Well thank God for crap art Yes thank your God for crap art Well at least it's a start Yes thank your God for crap art And I like my liquids to be fluid And I like my singles to be long Well that's good value for money And I like my bands to be one And I like my angles to be obtuse Or acute, I don't mind And I like my sevens to be sevens One after six And I like my pavements to be strewn with broken bricks Well thank God for crap art Yes thank your God for crap art Well at least it's a start Yes thank your God for crap art And I'm not talking about David Shrigley here Y'know he's really good...good for coffee shops I'm more talking about a pigeon that gets trapped in a conservatory With a load of house paints And then it can't escape So go to your crap church And pray to your crap God And thank your God for crap art Well at least it's a start And I said to God I said "Hey God!" He said "Yes, Tom?" "Well what do you think about my position here?" He said "Well I like my art to be good. I like the Sistine chapel. But I can see your angle" I said "Thanks God, y'know you always were so understanding" And remember making art is really hard Don't do yourself down It's OK to make crap In fact it's refreshing 'Cause a monkey can use Photoshop Oh and a child can use Final Cut Pro X To make everything feel the same And the other day a big corporation approached me And they asked if they could co-opt my crap art 'Cause they mistakenly thought they saw a kind of misguided authenticity in it That they would want to co-opt This was three point four seconds after I posted it on the internet I thought they had the wrong idea But I said yes And now I live in a mansion It costs too much to keep warm And I'm still paying off my advance Behold my cold mansion! Behold my crap mansion! Well thank God for crap art Yes thank your God for crap art Well at least it's a start Yes thank your God for crap art The crapper the better And you better thank your God For crap art Y'know it's the best start And you better thank your God Amen