Cardboard Man

[Verse 1] Well I love the women Y'know, they're so good at cooking And I love the coloureds They're just so damn good-looking I even love the gays Y'know, one does my hair-cutting And when I see a pig's head Y'know I think of nothing [Chorus] 'Cause I'm a cardboard man Yes I'm a cardboard man Well my thoughts are all cardboard I'm just like my old man [Verse 2] And I'm down with the kids 'Cause my facts are alternative And I won Strictly Come Dancing Oh, without even trying And I've got a nasty coke habit Good thing you know nothing about it I've got medium-sized hands There's no two ways about it [Chorus] I'm a cardboard man I'm a cardboard cut-out Yes, I'm a cardboard man Oh I'm made of wet cardboard, white cardboard [Verse 3] My favourite metal is gold My favourite liquid is water My favourite gas is hot air And I love Harry Potter Y'know I'm a West Ham supporter Or was it Aston Villa? Well, you can see right through me I'm like a glass of water [Chorus] 'Cause I'm a cardboard man, man Yes, I'm a cardboard man [Verse 4] Take a photo of me Down your local boozer I'm just an ordinary geezer But with a Smeg fridge-freezer And I care about everyone As much as cardboard can I didn't ask to be comfortable Well, pity the white man Y'know I'm a laid back guy I never ask for trouble But if you look at me funny I'm gonna drop a bomb on your hospital [Bridge] And I did not have sexual relations with that woman Or with that pig [Outro] Now throw tomatoes At the cardboard man Throw all your tomatoes As hard as you can And if you've got a lettuce Well, you can throw that too Oh, throw all your vegetables At this cardboard fool