Not That Evil

[Bob, Linda]

Diarrhea's coming back

My family's under attack

It's not so great, I do agree

I also got a bad wedgie

[Louise, Tina]

Thought I could prove I'm not a baby

But now all of us need saving

Dropped my hopes into the ocean

Sorry if a fish is choking

[Gene, Grover]

Sure a lot is happening

But I wish I brought my napkin thing

It might of helped to calm us down

Everybody hush, don't make a sound

[Spoken: Louise, Grover]

But why are you doing all of this?

Okay, good question. I'll allow it

[Grover]

Look, I'm not that evil, no

I'm not a bad person

So, I killed one carnie

Well it's just 'cause I'm determined

To finally get what I think that I'm deservin'

And to turn it into something worthy

Trust me, I'm sure that you will agree

Would you like to hear my master plan?

Okay, can you answer faster 'Cause I asked you

Would you like to hear my master plan?

[Spoken: Louise]

Um, yes

[Grover]

Okay that's more like it

I'm so glad that you asked

[Spoken: Grover, Calvin, Felix]

You see, I'm in the Fischoeder Family Trust, because I'm in the family

Well, barely

He's from the bad part of the family

He means the poor part

They're bad because they're poor

Shut it!

Shut your front door

[Spoken: Belchers, Felix]

Okay, okay

Yeah

I said okay

[Spoken: Grover, Calvin]

So, in this family trust, you see, you're ineligible to receive benefits if you've been convicted of a felony

And every single one of them has been

All except for cousin Calvin, because he never got caught

Yeah, baby

Shush!

[Spoken: Grover, Calvin, Felix]

So, I frame him, and boom

Now, if something unfortunate happens to Calvin and Felix, whom will they suspect?

Not me, no, no, no

Why would they?

Something unfortunate is going to happen to us?

Uh, yes. Surprise

Oh, poo

Wait, both of us?

Yeah, sorry

You were so insistent about going with your brother to Cuba...

I bought an outfit

Yes, we know

But let's just say your submarine isn't going to go to Cuba

Oh. Cancun?

It won't make it out from under the pier

Oh, my

Oh, dear

[Spoken: Bob, Calvin]

Did you think that sub was gonna make it to Cuba?

Hmm, I think we might have gotten a little too excited about the sub idea

I mean, isn't it just an old ride?

Yes, it runs on tokens

[Spoken: Louise, Belchers, Gene]

But not the best frame job, right?

I mean, why bury Cotton Candy Dan in front of our restaurant and then wait six years?

Huh

Right

[Spoken: Grover, Bob]

I didn't bury him in front of your restaurant

And I didn't wanna wait six years

Six years!

Easy, easy

Maybe we should hold off on the questions

[Spken: Grover]

I had it all worked out

A top-rate murder

I shoot Mr. Carnie with Calvin's gun

I stick him in a pile of dirt, or whatever yucky stuff was near the entrance to the wharf

I leave the stupid foot sticking out, so someone would be sure to see it

But little did I know that some numbskull backhoe operator working for the city was gonna scoop up that pile without even checking for dead carnies

I come back, I've got no body

I didn't know where they'd brought the dirt

And it's not like I could go around asking

"Hey, what's the word? Did anyone find any dead guys? This tall? Kind of a biter?"

It was a nightmare

But thankfully, blessedly, your stupid pipe burst and saved the day. The skeleton was found, frame job back on, and it's true what they say, good things happen to good people

[Spoken: Calvin, Grover]

Wait a second

Is this all about your silly mega-park idea?

Yes

Mm-hmm

[Grover, Linda, Bob]

This is about my mega-park

My much more efficient and profitable

Than your stupid pier

Mega-park

It'll have gift shops

Oh

So many gift shops

I love gift shops

And so much parking

Lin!

And I'll get the best marketers

To do the best marketing

And indoor motion simulator rides

If you could see my scale models

Then you'd understand why Cotton Candy Dan

Had to die

[Spoken: Grover, Tina, Linda]

It's gonna be so worth it

Okay

Because business dreams are about business

They're not about dreams

That's not true

All right then

[Grover,  Bob]

I think I got it figured out

I think that this is what I need

You're gonna all get in the sub

And then I'll launch you in the sea

No, no, I don't think that's right

[Grover, Belchers, Fischoeders]

No, that's right

You won't be able to get out

The handle's broken from inside

Then the pier will be on fire

What?

Well, you caused it, then you died

Oh, that's so careless of us

Yeah, what they'll say is this

Metal wheels on metal tracks

Will cause a spark, a little flare

Whoops, the drapes, they catch on fire

And it just gets worse from there

Up it goes into the Molehill

Which now seems to be quite full

Of cute and fluffy, very burny

Flammable stuffed animals

[Spoken: Felix, Calvin]

So, they don't come to life?

I guess not

[Spoken: Grover, Gene, Bob]

And then the Molehill turns into Mole Hell

That's what we call Dad's back

We do?

[Grover, Linda, Tina]

Oh, oh-oh

I have so many problems with this plan

Like what?

People on the pier? Gone

I'm closing early. What else?

You would burn in the fire, too?

Nope. I made a fuse out of cooking oil, sugar and balloon string

All things you'd find in an amusement pier

It's gonna go up the stairs, over the roof of this stupid room

And arson investigators will never suspect a thing

My fuse and my brilliant flammable stuffed animals idea gives me just enough time to get back to the gym, which is my alibi

I went there just an hour ago

I said the steam room was too steamy

I made a pretty damn big show

Then I slipped out the window

And that's how I got here now

I just sneak back in through the window

And boom, I've been at the gym three hours

[Spoken: Gene, Calvin, Felix]

I don't know if you have three hour gym body

Sorry

Yeah, it's not believable

No, you're too pasty

Also, your mega-park is mega-dumb

And so are you

[Spoken: Grover, Calvin]

I want to amend my earlier statement

Here we go

I'm not that evil

[Grover]

But I'm feeling evil today