TAPE

I can barely rap, I can barely dance
I can barely laugh, I can barely hang
I want a male stripper to do a belly dance
For me and my boyfriend, that's entertainment
And I'm drunk as fuck, my niggas tuxed up
I need a reason to get my bucks up
I need a reason to care about society
They need a good enough reason just to hire me
But, honestly, you see my mom can't walk
And her lungs don't work like they used to
I feel like it's my fault 'cause of music
I be sayin' shit that's just fuckin' rude and untrue and–
But truthfully, the words had damage and it's cruel to me
But even more cruel to be
Dissin' you in front of niggas that pay to hear me

Sometimes I be wondering, why I been trippin' off it
I should probably spend my time writing rhymes in the dentist's office
That's killin' two birds in one stone
When I was younger, way before I was grown
I wanted a deal with Death Row or Rhymesayers
I'm savin' my time for mics later
I might save it, dependin' on the shit that y'all write later
I hate writers, I hate tweets, I hate journalists
They hate truth, they hate peace
They want my niggas to burn with us

Flickin' on the face of my wrist watch
Watch the time stop just to speed up, watch life unfold
And between the tick-tocks, speedin' down the one-way
Fuck these signs! Fuck these lights! Put my life on the line
When it feel right, I'm fine, no, I'm not lyin', don't ask me
I'll pay the fine, I'll pay the toll, just hope I don't crash it
But, hey, if I do, it will be a blaze of glory
Engulfed by the manifestation of death behind me
All my life I've felt inadequate, and through the years I've dealt with
Tragedy after tragedy, God, send a message
Send a messenger my way, never claimed to be a saint, forgive me
Feel like the light that I was blessed with has diminished
I'm haunted by the visions of my youth turned true
I've come to expect my expectations aren't true
But I'm a master of believin' my lies
And you can't break me, and I can't brake at the speed of light

I'm afraid to share the bed, what if she want money later?
Like she got laid off, uh, hit my lawyer for some paper
I'm afraid to speak my pains like, "You lucky where you at"
"You cool, but quit complainin' 'bout all that"
That's why I'm showin' up late
I'm not tryna be a dick, but my time is not to waste
For myself, for the small talk with my sensei, where my sense at?
Four-cylinder go 'round, Lincoln Town Car pick me up, drop me off
I got bubble under my biceps, sneak me into the sidestep
Ego is gettin' sized up, I be on butterfly effect
Fuck it, I'll be myself now, tell 'em I take no shit now
Tell 'em they work for me now, tell 'em my tears, they bleed down
Tell 'em I work, like, what? What time for me now?
Wondering who is me now, wondering where you been now
Lose you in crowds, I see now, 14, I see 'em all inside of me now
Bank account move like speeds now, make it from ways to feed now
Thinkin' of ways to be everything but right now

It's crazy how things feel the best
When reminiscin' till we check ourselves
It's crazy how people who left
Say they feelin' left out when we step for health
Still accustomed to nights filled with solitude
I don't always remember to call goodnight
I don't always remember my altitude
I don't always remember to stop the fight
But I might check my sight, it ain't right
Yeah, I know, but my strife overwhelms, every night
Until I'm forced to close my eyes
Brain disease, parasite, eatin' me from inside
Emotions bleed, I can't believe
How I'm slippin' through the night