THE LIGHT

I give- my mom so- -ness
In the same house my dad died in, all alone
Tryin' not to be paranoid, tryin' not
As they're callin' it
'Cause every headline is a reminder that the world's fucked
So I'm just tryna see the light
In between the clouds
Still love that sunshine
When I look at myself, I see a broken man
Remnants of my pops, put the Glock to his head
Nothing ever go as planned, couldn't make amends
Forcibly pretend I don't give a damn
At a loss, aimless, six feet
Deep, suffocatin', can't face it
Can't change it, ain't make it
Master plans by the maker, I see no savior
Warpin' reflection in stainless steel, alcohol, and pills
Deadly combination left with nothin' else to feel
A floral haven, hopin' was painless, I see you in the faces, places
Am I makin' reflections off a broken mirror
Fragments of my fear, glarin' back, like, "Who's there?"
I can't stand myself, beside myself, I see you there
I know you care, felt numb since September
When I heard the news, what I'd do to speak one last time
Think I always will be haunted by the image
Of a bloody backdrop, skull fragments in the ceilin'
Felt your presence in the room, heard my mother squealin'
Master of disguises, ash to ash
Dust to dust, voids behind my eyelids
Blackin' out, bleedin' out, silence
Louder than a twisted top lion
As sick as our secrets, shadow people and needles
Fading through a peephole
Bedtime stories in purgatory, I miss you
For the record, I can fly
Around the world, absorbing light
Something's missin' deep inside
The light
Somethin' changed in Texas, guess I missed the message
Look, I missed my exit, I'm living like a Jetson
I was broke and desperate, leanin' on my best friends
Only shot callers I was around was bartendin'
Ain't no love in this game, mama, this is not tennis
Take your shoes off, we just did the carpetin'
I could the take the hatin', I could take the praisin'
And it's all noise to me, I'll turn into Satan
Y'all stuck in the Matrix
Red pill, blue pill, all these different faces
All these different cases, shit, y'all done seen me naked
So I'm aware what I want now and I ain't finna fake it
Thank God I made it, thank God I seen God last summer
I was standing on the bridge, I see all y'all under me
Know you are struggling, niggas out here juggling
Losin' jobs, well, losin' God, then everything is tumbling
Feel Heaven rumbling, the rapture is comin'
I love the attention, I'm a bastard in public
I still struggle with tellin' my mom who I'm in love with
Subtleties in between where these diamonds gleam
When Thanksgiving come around, I still don't see 'em
When Christmas come around, nigga, I still don't see 'em
Showed the world who I was before I got to know Ian
To get my people money in exchange for they freedom
I would give it all back for a chance to free 'em