Raffle Ticket Blues

[Hook: Radioinactive] X 2

Happy b-day

Here's a candle

A ginger beer and a new pair of sandals

I like to travel and I like my eggs scrambled

Smoking hash with a man with broken legs in Istanbul

I’d like to start by selling raffle tickets

If you don’t win

It's cause of natural physics

If you're not a winner

And you don’t have a chin

Grow a goatee and throw a javelin

Learn the ancient language of the Hopi and build yourself a teepee

Here’s a million squeegees

I’ll start myself a company

All these peasants hugging me cause they know I’m from the agency

They’ll invite me in for cake and tea and crackers and some bacon cheese

I like these people not cause they like me

I’m a broken radio with cable tv

Like asking couples how long they've been together

Or shooting basketballs in really windy weather

You tickle vegan women with a chicken feather

And plus that whip is leather

If you miss each other

Kiss and pinky swear and wear hip-huggers

Embarrassed lovers hiding their soiled covers from their mothers and hundreds of others who've been punished and suffered and can’t remember why we bought this blender

It's for your aunt's birthday on the first day of Octember

This could be the end of a relationship

You’ve been nominated to sign and date this Cuban affidavit

You could have been assassinated judging by the looks on the faces of the little wooden friends of the governor from Halifax

Hiding in a Cadillac wearing butchers' aprons when your keeping the books of Satan

When your cooking a nation in a microwave trick that hookers are chasing

You have my honest Abraham in the promised land lieutenant

A minivan will be waiting for you with a Cajun driver in it

Ferdinand never hated on you

But even if he did

There’s a reason that you lived this long or even longer

When your breathing's been conquered and you die in a duel to the death with a tool in your chest by the hand of a heathen from Yonkers

Now you're lying under flying saucers

Frying live lobsters for a dying doctor who's dying wish is buy my tractor and eat a flying fish… is that guy an actor? and live happily ever after hours

During office hours he likes to be drinking coffee and observing topless showers

Plaster cowards using my super powers and a crossbow to shoot plastic flowers into greener pastures

Who’s fiending to capture a cokehead

Who’s cleaning up faster than a moped

In morse code

Happy b-day

Here's a candle

A ginger beer and a new pair of sandals

I like to travel and I like my eggs scrambled

Smoking hash with a man with broken legs in Istanbul